Ok, by Myth, I do not mean that that do not exist! They do, I own one and parade him around on My arm whenever I can.
The Myth I am talking about is the MISCONCEPTION THAT ALL SUBMISSIVE MEN ARE SPINELESS SISSIES. It is true, some are (and there is nothing wrong with that.) But that is not what it takes to be submissive.
Again, and if I have to keep saying it, I will vomit: THIS IS MY OPINION ONLY, I AM TALKING ABOUT OUR KINK AND AM IN NO WAY TRYING TO TELL ANYONE HOW TO BE A "TRUE" ANYTHING! (gag wretch heave- I hate having to say that over and over!If you are starting to feel like you might be offended, please just go away)
I like MEN, in fact I love men. And a manly, hunky, delicious man wearing a collar that I chose, well, THAT is something that does turn Me on. I told My sweet tomio that I often fantasized about a pet tiger. While I would never think about keeping a real wild animal as a pet, the CONCEPT is what appeals to Me. The idea of having someone who is My lamb, but would tear the world to bits to protect and serve Me is wonderful and magical. Taming the wild is part of the fantasy that feeds Me.
My sweet tomio is that tiger to Me. The angel of My heart, is not spineless. He does bend like bamboo in the breeze for Me, but to the rest of the world he is aggressive, sarcastic and strong. He is tall, broad, and bulky. He was in the Navy, he has never shrunken from a fight and he does NOT let the world walk all over him. I love that, more than I can express.
He and I have spoken a lot about it and the concept of Masculinity is an interesting one. He writes brilliantly on the topic. Is it possible to be masculine and submissive? OF COURSE it is! In fact, I have no interest in the spineless, sissy sort, and in MY (Our) world, panties are for ME only. I am not even sure that I could use it as punishment, because a man in panties turns Me off. I do I find him the sexiest when he is collared and kneeling at My feet, looking up at Me with those lovely brown eyes, his wide shoulders and powerful arms glistening with sweat. He is submissive and has surrendered his control to Me. It's a beautiful thing. (watching him do push-ups for Me...well its like Domme "crack" to Me! LOL)
However, people NEED to understand that just because he is submissive, does not make him a brainless, gutless doormat. He does not get to check his balls and brains at the door! While I am in control of most of his life, he is still a functioning member of society and he is brilliant and amazing man. He still has to use his brain and does not get to use his submissiveness as an excuse. On the rare occasion that he makes a poor choice, he has to explain to Me WHY he did what he did, and we examine it together. There have been times when he was frustrated or felt pressured and he snapped or growled at Me. I quickly remind him that he is property, and that reminder soothes and calms him. The fact that he is property does not degrade him or make him any less. He finds comfort in it, and I can actually SEE how much it calms and settles him. Being submissive to Me does not take anything away from him, it only adds to his comfort and his happiness.
In the past, I have had potential submissives react poorly to the Respect Protocol (Yes Mistress, No thank you Mistress, etc). The most memorable was "I am a military man. I can't be like that, I am no kiss ass pussy" WHAT?? Ummm hello? are you not required to use the same protocol in the army? Dumb-ass. Oh that's right...that was with a MAN. A manly man can respect another manly man, but not a WOMAN. I see. Yeah I see that he was not worthy of serving Me!
So why is it that a man can respect a man, but not a woman without losing his masculinity? I actually think the military ADDS to the fucked up thoughts about masculinity. The subordinates are told over and over that they are slime, and they are not encouraged to think, just do as they are told. They have it drilled into their heads that they are "girls" or "ladies" and not worth the time to yell at them. So god-forbid, they be respectful to a woman! HA!
At this point, I could launch into a long discussion of how men have systematically taken the power from women. But this is not the time or place for that one. I don't claim to have all the answers...but I sure would like to know that people are at least THINKING about the questions, and looking at the world around them.
If it is your nature to be so, its OK to be submissive. If you find the right person, and let your true self out, it can and will be a BEAUTIFUL thing! The magic that My tomio and I have in our relationship is that we are TRULY ourselves now. It just feels so good and so real. I am grateful for it, every day!
For the love
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
My mythological life
In 1992, Bruce Keith (and five or six of his colleagues) published was has become a staple of political science education: The Myth of the Independent Voter. What they found is that, while a lot of people say they are independent, they really aren't. They are partisan voters who are not actively part of the party apparatus. A secondary finding was that these "independents" tend to be very low-information voters (meaning they don't know much about what the election is about).
To talk about the myth of the “submissive man,” I think we have the observed relationship. Not many men openly identify this way, but there are (probably) a ton of them out there. They are low-information submissives who vote the party line, so to speak, but they don't know what the election is about. Interpreted: They follow their wife/girlfriend/whatever's lead, but they don’t walk around saying, “I’m submissive and sexy!” Heck, they probably aren't even aware of BDSM as a lifestyle (other than a quick jerk on a porn site), so they can't very well say they are something they aren't even aware exists.
At its heart, submission is simply allowing one’s partner to lead. It is being able to follow and accept directions/orders. There is no organization on earth that can function without nearly every single member agreeing to submit – there can only be one man or woman at the top of the hierarchy. In some groups, like the military, the hierarchy is formalized down to the last detail. In others, it is more informal. But every group is made up primarily of those who submit; who follow; who obey.
Submission is to put someone else’s desires before one’s own. It is saying, “I want to do this. But I know that doing this will make Her happy, so I will choose to do that.” Every relationship in the world enjoys this dynamic to some degree. To claim that it isn’t is to say that a relationship can have one party who says, in effect, “I don’t care what that other person wants. I’m going to do what I enjoy.”
What sets D/s lifestyles apart is the degree to which one person follows. Mistress Delila and I have decided that we will be happiest when I can be my authentic submissive self and follow Her direction as near to all the time as is possible. I find this incredibly fulfilling. Because we are both able to do this from a place of authenticity, we have found that the relationship we have built is bigger than the individual parts of it.
I feel that I have to assure everyone that this is not an abusive relationship. I can consistently push Her needs to the top of my agenda because I know that She will not let my needs go unmet entirely. I will receive what I need from Her, and She enjoys my happiness enough to make sure I find plenty of pleasure in serving Her. This is not, “I have no needs because I exist only to serve Her.” This is, “I choose to ignore my needs in favor of Hers, because I know I am safe and loved and I will not be made to do without.”
I know there are plenty of guys out there who let the woman in their life watch the checkbook and bank balance. There are plenty of guys who let the woman in their life dress them. There are plenty of guys out there who are more comfortable with the woman in their life initiating sex than doing it on their own. There are plenty of guys who let the woman in their life dictate their diet, their exercise regimen, and pretty nearly every other facet of their life. You probably live on the same block as one. Here’s a hint – they’re the happy one (okay – not always).
The problem is that these men don’t think of what they are doing as being “submissive” because our culture tells us that submission is wrong and what they are doing simply can’t be wrong because it keeps them in a happy relationship. Well, it’s time to change that paradigm. It’s time that the myth of the submissive man became the reality of the submissive man. Men should not feel like they have to choose between being “a real man” and living their authentic sexual identity. I don’t think all men are natural submissive or that women are naturally superior – quite the opposite. But I do think that the healthy and natural submissiveness of the less-fairer sex should be just as welcomed and appreciated as any other aspect of masculinity.
I’m not a myth, and if my submissiveness threatens some pinhead’s sense of masculinity; then they need to get over it. Because I’m not giving up my happily-ever-after.
To talk about the myth of the “submissive man,” I think we have the observed relationship. Not many men openly identify this way, but there are (probably) a ton of them out there. They are low-information submissives who vote the party line, so to speak, but they don't know what the election is about. Interpreted: They follow their wife/girlfriend/whatever's lead, but they don’t walk around saying, “I’m submissive and sexy!” Heck, they probably aren't even aware of BDSM as a lifestyle (other than a quick jerk on a porn site), so they can't very well say they are something they aren't even aware exists.
At its heart, submission is simply allowing one’s partner to lead. It is being able to follow and accept directions/orders. There is no organization on earth that can function without nearly every single member agreeing to submit – there can only be one man or woman at the top of the hierarchy. In some groups, like the military, the hierarchy is formalized down to the last detail. In others, it is more informal. But every group is made up primarily of those who submit; who follow; who obey.
Submission is to put someone else’s desires before one’s own. It is saying, “I want to do this. But I know that doing this will make Her happy, so I will choose to do that.” Every relationship in the world enjoys this dynamic to some degree. To claim that it isn’t is to say that a relationship can have one party who says, in effect, “I don’t care what that other person wants. I’m going to do what I enjoy.”
What sets D/s lifestyles apart is the degree to which one person follows. Mistress Delila and I have decided that we will be happiest when I can be my authentic submissive self and follow Her direction as near to all the time as is possible. I find this incredibly fulfilling. Because we are both able to do this from a place of authenticity, we have found that the relationship we have built is bigger than the individual parts of it.
I feel that I have to assure everyone that this is not an abusive relationship. I can consistently push Her needs to the top of my agenda because I know that She will not let my needs go unmet entirely. I will receive what I need from Her, and She enjoys my happiness enough to make sure I find plenty of pleasure in serving Her. This is not, “I have no needs because I exist only to serve Her.” This is, “I choose to ignore my needs in favor of Hers, because I know I am safe and loved and I will not be made to do without.”
I know there are plenty of guys out there who let the woman in their life watch the checkbook and bank balance. There are plenty of guys who let the woman in their life dress them. There are plenty of guys out there who are more comfortable with the woman in their life initiating sex than doing it on their own. There are plenty of guys who let the woman in their life dictate their diet, their exercise regimen, and pretty nearly every other facet of their life. You probably live on the same block as one. Here’s a hint – they’re the happy one (okay – not always).
The problem is that these men don’t think of what they are doing as being “submissive” because our culture tells us that submission is wrong and what they are doing simply can’t be wrong because it keeps them in a happy relationship. Well, it’s time to change that paradigm. It’s time that the myth of the submissive man became the reality of the submissive man. Men should not feel like they have to choose between being “a real man” and living their authentic sexual identity. I don’t think all men are natural submissive or that women are naturally superior – quite the opposite. But I do think that the healthy and natural submissiveness of the less-fairer sex should be just as welcomed and appreciated as any other aspect of masculinity.
I’m not a myth, and if my submissiveness threatens some pinhead’s sense of masculinity; then they need to get over it. Because I’m not giving up my happily-ever-after.
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