For the love

For the love

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A submissive state of being

"What if all I want to do is lay in bed and cuddle?"

I shrugged, even though I knew Mistress couldn't see it on the phone. The truth is, it wouldn't matter to me if that was all She wanted. I have told Her repeatedly that I would drive any distance just to sit and hold Her hand. Cuddle? Oh, yeah,'s happening!

Of course, Mistress was only joking. At least, until She arrived at our hotel exhausted and worn from a rough week of work. We kissed, unpacked, put my collar on, and ate the take-out she'd brought with Her. She told me that I didn't have to sit on the floor, but I did anyway, because I could lean my cheek against Her leg and gaze up at Her. Touching Her always draws me back to center. I need a lot of it.

Often Mistress will shake off Her fatigue and get to the fun stuff. Seeing me invigorates Her as much as it feeds me. But this time She just stretched out on the bed and I curled myself around Her in several different ways until we found one that was just right.

It took me a while to realize that this...THIS was what She was expecting of me. She needed me to hold Her just as much as I needed Her touch. Once I realized that I was giving Her what She needed, I was able to relax and enjoy the wonderful closeness of our bodies. In the end, I was fed as much as She was, with nothing happening other than simply lying in each other's arms.

I think I should stress that I was not content to lay and hold Her. Content would indicate that it was "good enough." I was joyous to hold Her for as long as She would allow it. It wasn't just good enough; it was exactly what I needed, at a level so deep that I wasn't even aware of its existence.

This was different than most forms of Dominance. Mistress did not direct me, "Cuddle me and do no more." She simply pulled me down on the bed with Her. It was leading by refusing to lead. By withholding directions, She allowed me to find a quiet and needful space within myself that would not have been uncovered if I had been busy being obedient.

There is a tendency, I think, to equate Dominance and submission with specific actions. Swinging a crop balances holding still for its sting. Giving pleasure balances the acceptance/demand for that pleasure. Dress this way. Do this thing. Do it, do it, do it.

But in this moment, Her Dominance was simply the expectation that I would find Her will and bend myself to it. I struggled temporarily with the lack of direction, but eventually gave up even the expectant waiting for direction. Her Dominance exerted itself through Her simple presence, and my submission just...was. It wasn't doing. It wasn't waiting. It was just there, with Her, at Her side.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Needs, romance and such

Hello All!

I have been remiss in keeping up with My posts. But there is a good reason for it...spring came early to New England, and I am a gardener. GASP! WHAT?? You read it right. I actually have other interests in life than the D/s world! (opens the door for those who are trying to flee the bursting fantasy bubble.) Before you all panic, I am NOT going to turn this into a garden blog. Dominance and the garden do not mix other than in a few fantasy stories I have written...

So, its raining, and I am blogging!

The topic yet to be finished is Romance and Domination. GASP (again?) Can they co-exist?? No? But but but...OF COURSE they can! Don't be silly.

Of course there is plenty of kink in a Sensual Dominant relationship, don't worry yourself about that. However there are things that lack kink and are just about the loving side. Romance is just part of it.

"Mistress, I am sorry I was not able to make this a romantic weekend like you had hoped for..." When the words came out of his mouth, I felt like I was in the twilight zone.

"What do you mean, My sweetness?" I asked... figuring I had not heard him right.

 "I mean I don't know how to be romantic and still be submissive..." Eyebrows knit. Blink. Blink.
 "What are you talking about?" (looks for hidden cameras) When I realized he was serious, I was baffled. I had felt very loved and had enjoyed the feeling of romance all weekend. When I arrived, he rushed out to greet Me and because he was standing by the car door, I had to roll down the window. As soon as I hit the button, he was leaning in the window, professing his love and kissing Me. Yes it is true that My sweetness (tomio) frequently tries to fling himself through My car window when I arrive. It's become part of the ritual to remind him to wait until the car comes to a complete stop, and keep his hands and arms out of the vehicle until it is safe to do otherwise. I truly love that he is so happy to see Me when I arrive. The next step is the smothering kisses that are plastered all over any exposed part part of My body, hands, arms, neck, face, head... KISSING??? In Domination? are you crazy? Yes, yes We are, crazy about each other.

His love for Me is truly romantic.  Not because I demand it, but because it is given so willingly.  When he kneels with lotion in hand and rubs My sore feet, its like a gift from heaven.  Again, I don't ASK for him to rub My feet, he does,because I mentioned at some point that My feet hurt and he works to relieve My discomfort.  The thing I had to explain to him is this:  If I had said "rub My feet." and he does, it is not romantic, its service. But when he hears Me say My feet hurt, the night before, or somewhere in the chat on the ride to meet, and THEN he decides to rub My feet, it is a loving gesture and is romantic.

His fear is that he was leading, because he was not asked to do so.  I had to laugh, because My personality does not really allow for leading... it just does not happen.   Taking the initiative to rub My sore feet with the unscented lotion he bought just for Me is not leading, especially when I am flopped onto the bed, resting from the long ride.  Its more a matter of attending to unspoken needs, and that is a wonderful gift!

One of the last times that we were together, I was physically and emotionally drained and STARVING. I told him somewhat jokingly that what I needed was cuddling, kissing and quiet. At first he was not sure what to make of it. You need to understand that My sweetness is always waiting for instructions, because he wants to please Me. At first he was unsure of how to proceed. He shuffled his feet a bit then We got his collar on, he relaxed. We ate the take-out food that I had brought with Me, and then We crashed. Ok to be clear...I crashed and he caught Me. I laid My head on his chest, My skin against his and I just soaked in the quiet, calm, loving space that We had created. We did not talk at first, and We did not play. We cuddled and snuggled and just soaked each other in. It was perfect, because it was what I needed, and after he let the expectation go, it turns out it was what he needed as well. When I say expectation, I am referring to the pile of needs that build up between our visits. I often spend the first part of our visit contemplating need, Mine and his.

The truth of our relationship is that Mistress (ME!) gets what she wants first. He gets is pleasure from My pleasure. This needs to be clarified however. It is NOT that his needs are not met, because they are never forgotten and never left unfulfilled. However, My needs are first and feeding My needs usually feeds his needs as well.

At some point in our heavy cuddling weekend, I had an attack of guilt. Was he getting his needs met? Was there enough of the other stuff to feed him as well? I looked down at his face. He was the picture of contentment. There were no furrows in his brow. His face was peaceful, his closed eyes had those happy crinkles in the corners and the corners of his mouth were were turned up in a natural, unforced, unpracticed grin. He actually looked almost smug.

"Are you happy My love?" I asked with a soft, sultry voice. It took a moment for his eyes to focus under their heavy lids. "Divinely happy my love." Then he cuddled Me in closer and we dozed for a bit.

While I slept I contemplated it all. Could Mistress still call herself a Mistress when the only service she requested was snuggling and cuddling? PPFFFFFFFT! Um Duh! Yes yes she could, because it was about meeting of needs, and that is the basis of all human interactions. Needs must be met for people to be happy.

One of the things that I am constantly aware of in the realm of the needs of My sweetness is something We call his "touch batteries." He has a strong need for contact, skin to skin, and without enough touch, he is not happy. Part of the after-care that he requires (not because he demands it, but because I can see and feel when he needs) is gentle touch. Even the rough, tough and slightly ouchie parts of our relationship are always followed by loving touch. It's all ok when followed by gentle touch. When we have experimented with some of the harder things, needle play for example, there is always a lot of checking in, loving strokes, gentle words and soft kisses. That balance, and My constant control keeps everything on an even keel and makes Us both blissfully happy.

Just so you folks with hard-core, porn-Domme fantasies are not totally disappointed...there was a LARGE helping of all the good dirty stuff too! Needs come in all different Me (grins wickedly) it was ALL GOOD! LMAO