For the love

For the love

Thursday, July 21, 2011

What is dominance to a submissive?

When Mistress Delila asked me to write this, I joked that it would be easy. "Dominance is Mistress Delila."

That's certainly true for me, but it doesn't help anyone who isn't involved with Her.  And, as it turns out, it isn't so easy to define "dominance." It's kind of like describing the taste of celery. You know it when it is in your mouth, but until someone has sampled it, it's kind of hard to talk to them about it.

In psychological terms, dominance is simply the tendency to assert control over others. In our individuality-driven culture, dominance is sometimes seen negatively - as is submission. In reality, they are simply human nature. When they are mixed in proper measures between two willing partners, they create a strong and intimate bond.

Of course, any personality trait can be distorted to the point of neurosis, if not psychosis. Television shows like CSI and Law and Order make their bread and butter out of stretching personality traits into psychoses. So the most common example of dominance that is displayed on television - especially if one looks at sexual dominance - is that of the predator, the bully, the rapist, the homicidal sociopathic sadist.

Americans, in particular, seem to have difficulty in determining levels of subtlety.  At least, they do when it isn't their own life under the microscope. So those of us who are not involved with power-specific relationships are all-too content to lump anyone who seems "different" into the same bin as the dangerous and loony. In a way, it's natural. But that doesn't mean it's right.

After all, dominance is also a trait of people we refer to as "natural leaders." Should we force them to be mediocre just because...well, it sounds better? Should we sentence our next generation of leaders to the loony bin just because they are actually good at it? God, I hope not.

So at a basic level, "dominance" is a personality trait. But when a relationship is to be based on dominance, it becomes more than that. It becomes the cornerstone of the relationship. It is the touchstone to which all aspects of the relationship must return in times of conflict and joy.

Dominance in this respect is not simply making demands and expecting them to be obeyed - although there is certainly that aspect. It is accepting leadership of the relationship in order to create an atmosphere of trust in which the partner can remain submerged in submission, without fear of being abused or damaged. It is accepting the responsibility of guiding the relationship so that it can be successful.

Dominance is a way of relating. It is a way of loving. It is an obligation and a duty to the relationship in which is expressed. Sometimes it is sadistic. Sometimes it is fawning. Sometimes it is as simple as sending me across the parking lot to get something out of the car. Sometimes it is as complex as telling me to plan a menu for our vacation, including a shopping list and a budget.

For me, it is also a reward and a necessary ingredient for me, a submissive man, to fully express my love and affection. Dominance is Mistress Delila.

Friday, July 15, 2011

A project born of love - and frustration

I'm writing this for two reasons.

First, it was a long and rocky road to get to where I am - comfortable with being a submissive man who loves a sensuous Dominant Woman. My path of discovery led through two failed marriages, which means a lot of people were put through needless pain. I questioned and I suffered and I sank into deep depression. And I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one to go through this.

So I am doing this for all of the other submissive men who are struggling to find who they are. I hope this helps.

Second, I am quickly approaching "middle age" and have finally found the Woman I should have been with my whole life. I love Her - with the understanding that "love" is a pitiful excuse for the feelings I have for Her. I want everyone to know how incredibly fulfilling it is to have Her in my life. I want everyone to know how She completes me.

So this is for Her, because She is the one who makes me what I am. And it is for all of the incredible women like Her who haven't found what they are looking for yet. There is hope. Dreams do come true.

Hello and WELCOME

Hello there!  I am Mistress Delila.  Yes I am a Domme. No I do not tie random men up and beat them, just for the fun of it.    I am a SENSUAL Domme, and I am in a committed and loving relationship with My tomio.  We are both intelligent and educated and We decided that We want to help show the softer side of Domination.  We hope to open some doors for some, shine some light for others, and hope to have some interesting discussions along the way.

My tomio will be joining Me here soon, and together We will explore DOMINATION...Our style.

Some basic stuff...LOL: Firstly, Yes I am one of those Dommes who capitalizes the M in Me, Mine and Myself, the W in We when talking about Myself and another and other such thing.  I do this because I like it. No more, no less.  It's not going to change, so you will have to get used to it. Secondly, We are not saying, nor will We ever say that this is a lifestyle for everyone, nor is it the "true" way to do anything.  It is simply OUR lovestyle, and it works for Us.

I use the term Pet, rather than sub or slave.  My tomio serves Me because he loves Me, not because he fears Me.  We will get into more details and deep thoughts later.  For now...WELCOME... sit back and enjoy.  I insist!  LOL