For the love

For the love

Friday, February 20, 2015

Why I Write (and do not engage in public speaking)

There was a time when I didn't know I was submissive. At this point in my life, it seems strange to say that, but it is a fact. Self-awareness came slowly to me, and it took a lot of effort to understand what I need from a life partner. I don't regret my path because it made me who I am, but I do wish I could have spared some of the pain that I caused other people. Like George Orwell fighting totalitarianism with his typewriter, I write because I believe my experience has made some things much more clear than others.

There is also the impetus of reaching out to others who struggle. While 50 Shades may get many people talking about kinky things, it isn't, from the bits and pieces I've seen, much of a resource for those who are seriously curious. Just today I saw a young man ask, in an obviously tortured emotional state, why he is drawn to FemDom porn when he has never experienced submission to a woman. The answer, of course, is that he finds it erotic for reasons he hides from himself. I suspect that he may feel repulsed after he masturbates because he believes such things are not what "men like me" should enjoy. Human desire being what it is, he soon finds himself searching the internet for more anonymous satisfaction.

As Mistress has written, we are not public about the details other than in our writing. It just isn't so important to parents and siblings and cousins that we invite them into the details of our love. They either wouldn't care, giving us space to be happy and fulfilled, or it would create distrust and resentment. Either way, we would remain as we are. With no real upside and large potential downsides, we opt for in-person privacy, pulling aside the curtain around our relationship only as we feel prudent for our writing.

What does it say about us that we can walk through the world with our privacy intact? Not much, really. But there is the implication that the roles we share with each other do not bleed over into our interactions with other people. In other words, She can be entirely in charge of our romance and still be a friend, daughter, sister, aunt, and more, without needing to be in charge of everything. I can be a father, brother, son, uncle, and more, without anyone knowing that I willingly surrender everything to Her.

Because we do not live fictional lives, the specifics of what we do will never conform to what others might expect or fit with any preconceived notions of what FemDom is or isn't. It is what She needs and enjoys and it is what I need and enjoy. What more does any loving relationship need? Why should anyone be ashamed or diminished because they have a love that not only sustains them, but allows them to stretch for the limits of their potential?

The obvious answers are "nothing more" and "they shouldn't". In a fairer world, those words would roll over every tongue. But, as anyone who is old enough to read this can attest, we don't live in a fair world. The arc of time still stretches towards that goal, but it has not yet attained it.

It has been said that the optimist believes we can live in the best of all possible worlds and the pessimist fears that we already do. Until my optimism fades, I will continue to write in order to advocate and educate. But I will do so from behind a veil of privacy so that I may find greater satisfaction in my life while I may.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Undercover Mistress

We all know that there is still an unfair stigma attached to the Kink.  "They" think we are gnarly biker sorts, with wild hair, wild eyes, chains and leather on every bit of clothing, tattoos creeping up our necks and bad teeth.  They also think that BDSM has to be dark and ugly.   None of that is Me.

I am well-dressed and fashionable.  I have lovely hair and nice white teeth.  I have one modest tattoo that was a gift to myself when I turned 40.   My eyes are soft and kind, as is My smile. I am, however, Dominant.  I despise being called honey or sweetie.  I do not tolerate men degrading women, or each other for that matter, and I have been described as "intense."  If I get pissed off, hell hath no fury like mine, but I tend to be fairly even tempered. I love shoes...OMG I love shoes! I am an unabashed flirt.  I can't help it, its just my nature.  I don't mean to flirt, and don't even mean anything by it, but its just how I function. LOL  Honestly I am not really even aware of it until later, or if someone calls me on it.  There was a young waiter at a restaurant that I frequent.  He would scramble to get to my table. A crook of the finger or a pout of the lip and he was all but sitting in my lap.   It used to make my friend fall over laughing.  She would roll her eyes and say that my Scorpio was showing.  HEHE  Ok that one was intentional...   so what I am trying to say is almost no one around me has any clue about my bedroom preferences. The men at work would never dare tell a dirty joke in front of me.  This is how I feel it is supposed to be.  No one needs to know what others do in the private time and private space.  Even if there was no stigma attached, My lovestyle is Mine.

Sigh, OK its not private when I talk about it here!  LOL But this also is a forum to discuss such things.  We are working to remove the stigma, and help people to embrace their own realities.   I will never go to a "munch" or a kink event, because I would not be comfortable there.   I like to talk to like-minded people, but I like to keep them at a distance.  I hate to be judged and more than once I have been called a "powder puff" or a "fluff."  My Kink lacks the brutality that some think is required.  Too fucking bad,  I like My Kink,  It serves MY needs and My tomio's needs perfectly and it does not need to conform to anyone else's rules or guidelines.  As a Sensual Dominant, I love that I can bind tomio up, spank, torment and bite him until he is whimpering, then cuddle up, kiss him gently and tell him how much he is loved.  It feels good.  It feeds my hunger and his and in the end THAT is all that matters.

Our Kink is not for everyone.  It does not have to be for everyone.  Some like things that we don't and vise versa.    The beauty of the kinky world, and the world in general  is that it comes in all sorts of colors and flavors,  All you need is a like-minded partner and the willingness to try new things.  Have fun, be safe, and get your Kink on!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Sorry for the long absence-- Life is just life!

Hello Fine Readers!
We are still here, still together and still rolling in The Kink.    This blog might be a little bit fragmented, because there is a lot of stuff that I want to touch on...

First, Winter Sucks.  There is snow literally up to my ass in New England at this point, and in case I never mentioned it, I am tall!   It's bullshit, I hate it and there is nothing I can do about it.  Control Freaks like Me hate shit like that!  So there.  It sucks, time to move on.

It's Valentine's Day.  I hope you made it a happy one!  I was greeted this morning with the most loving and wonderful text that it brought tears to My eyes!  The way that tomio loves me is unlike any love I have ever felt.  It's the kind of love people dream of, write of and paint for...  the kind I never thought I would find.  I am grateful for him every day!    I love you smoochieface!    Yes, yes the mean Dominant Mistress of Wickedness just called him a silly name.  Deal with it.  LMAO!

The other thing that Valentine's Day means this year is the release of 50 shades of bullshit, the movie.  While it amuses me to no end that churches and the uptight citizens brigade is all up in arms about the the movie, the reality of it is that, as I pointed out in My blog of July 2012, the books SUCK! They are baldy written, filled with the lamest sex scenes in history, loaded with inaccurate stereotypes of BDSM play, and worst of all it portrays blatant abuse as Kink.   I am not going to rehash all of that nonsense, I wrote it once, go read it here,

While I am not going to get into it all, I can't believe that they made a movie out of it!  Now all of the people who don't read, but still think BDSM is something they want to see, are going to go and get an eyeful of BULLSHIT!  They are going to see systematic abuse wearing the guise of Kink.  They are going to see a depiction a man being able to remove someone's consent by having them sign a piece of paper that they do not understand.  They are going to see rape, emotional abuse, neglect, mistreatment, maniacal control and all of it is going to wrapped up in a phony package called BDSM. Once I was hopeful that it would open the door for people to stop thinking of it as dark, creepy, dangerous and scary.   I wanted people to be able to see it a just another way people interact and private way to get needs met between two consenting adults.  That was a pipe dream.  This is going to color it darker and increase the stupidity level.   I am so disappointed and angry about it...  I can't even express myself correctly.

Ok so on to a more vibrant note.  We are still here, still kinky and still very much in love.  There have been emotional times over the past 8 months, medical issues, money issues and stress.  Lots of stress, but we push through it all.  There have been times when our visits were not about the kink at all, but about two people with the need for loving contact.  We have cuddled and watched movies and sprawled in bed, wrapped up in a bundle of arms and legs, just staring at the TV.   It's OK to do that, because its what we both needed.  We talked about needs and wants.  Sometimes we had big plans for all sorts of naughty deliciousness only to have the actually time dissolve into tears and needs that were well outside of the Kink...

Here's the thing:  We are a couple that is involved in Kinky things, we play Kinky, we having Kinky toys and talk Kinky. I am always Dominant. That part never changes because it is a not a role that I play, it is who I am.   My tomio is always submissive.  It is who he is. But the bottom line is that we are still PEOPLE.  We have wants, needs, hungers, fears, feelings and our time together is about filling the voids and making it all right again.  Sometimes that is not Kinky.

That being said, our last visit we found our way back into the full blown Kink (Wicked grin) and it was good, damn, it was good!