For the love

For the love

Friday, February 20, 2015

Why I Write (and do not engage in public speaking)

There was a time when I didn't know I was submissive. At this point in my life, it seems strange to say that, but it is a fact. Self-awareness came slowly to me, and it took a lot of effort to understand what I need from a life partner. I don't regret my path because it made me who I am, but I do wish I could have spared some of the pain that I caused other people. Like George Orwell fighting totalitarianism with his typewriter, I write because I believe my experience has made some things much more clear than others.

There is also the impetus of reaching out to others who struggle. While 50 Shades may get many people talking about kinky things, it isn't, from the bits and pieces I've seen, much of a resource for those who are seriously curious. Just today I saw a young man ask, in an obviously tortured emotional state, why he is drawn to FemDom porn when he has never experienced submission to a woman. The answer, of course, is that he finds it erotic for reasons he hides from himself. I suspect that he may feel repulsed after he masturbates because he believes such things are not what "men like me" should enjoy. Human desire being what it is, he soon finds himself searching the internet for more anonymous satisfaction.

As Mistress has written, we are not public about the details other than in our writing. It just isn't so important to parents and siblings and cousins that we invite them into the details of our love. They either wouldn't care, giving us space to be happy and fulfilled, or it would create distrust and resentment. Either way, we would remain as we are. With no real upside and large potential downsides, we opt for in-person privacy, pulling aside the curtain around our relationship only as we feel prudent for our writing.

What does it say about us that we can walk through the world with our privacy intact? Not much, really. But there is the implication that the roles we share with each other do not bleed over into our interactions with other people. In other words, She can be entirely in charge of our romance and still be a friend, daughter, sister, aunt, and more, without needing to be in charge of everything. I can be a father, brother, son, uncle, and more, without anyone knowing that I willingly surrender everything to Her.

Because we do not live fictional lives, the specifics of what we do will never conform to what others might expect or fit with any preconceived notions of what FemDom is or isn't. It is what She needs and enjoys and it is what I need and enjoy. What more does any loving relationship need? Why should anyone be ashamed or diminished because they have a love that not only sustains them, but allows them to stretch for the limits of their potential?

The obvious answers are "nothing more" and "they shouldn't". In a fairer world, those words would roll over every tongue. But, as anyone who is old enough to read this can attest, we don't live in a fair world. The arc of time still stretches towards that goal, but it has not yet attained it.

It has been said that the optimist believes we can live in the best of all possible worlds and the pessimist fears that we already do. Until my optimism fades, I will continue to write in order to advocate and educate. But I will do so from behind a veil of privacy so that I may find greater satisfaction in my life while I may.

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