For the love

For the love

Saturday, December 8, 2012

The things we do for love

I did what no sane man should do - I deliberately headed down the shore towards an oncoming hurricane. After spending most of my adult life around the ocean, I had a good idea of what to do. I gassed up the cars, I bought extra water, I kept my kids safe.

I was fortunate. Two very large trees came down in the backyard of a neighboring house (it's abandoned), but other than destroying a weight-bench and pinning a rattletrap fence, no damage was done. No more than fifty yards to the north, a tree too big for me to put my arms around pulled loose and fell on top of a car and house, ripping several high-line wires with it. Three sides of my block lost power, but my power just blinked long enough to reset the microwave.

The shopping district around the corner was without power for over a week. I lost cable - which means no internet - for five days (I'm such an addict). My kids were out of school because their school was under water.

I had kept informed of the storm's movements, and I knew it was going to be a bad one. Like I said, I've spent most of my adult life around the ocean and I've been through half a dozen tropic storms and/or hurricanes. It is crazy to move closer to the path of such a storm. But my kids were in the path of that storm - and no matter what happened, I was going to be with them.

That's what love does. It moves you to bear the unbearable. It makes you forget what is best for you...or, more precisely, it redefines what is best for you. That day, what was best for me was being with my children. No matter what.

So it is that my love for Mistress continues to redefine me, too. When we met, we had long talks about what we wanted from a relationship. One of the things that I told Her was that I didn't enjoy pain, and I didn't want to be with someone who would enjoy hurting me. I was sure of it.

It has been a great surprise to me to discover that I am, in fact, a bit of a masochist. I'm not really sure when I figured it out, but She has hurt me from the first time we were together - small ways at first, and then larger and more exciting ways. But it is not something that I'm always at ease with.

This desire, new and unfamiliar, throbs to life at odd times. At times, I almost ache for the experience of Her inflicting pain on me. So much so that the pain itself is nearly a relief. At other times, all I can think about is how wonderful it would be to lie before Her, purposefully helpless, and let Her desires take Her where She wants. Of course, not being able to hear Her desires in my head, my thoughts fill in the blanks with numerous fantasies...not all of which are even possible.

As much as I want Her to hurt me, and as much as I enjoy it, it also scares me, and on a couple of levels. First of all, it's a bit scary just wanting to be hurt. It kind of goes against human nature. Like most people, I tend to avoid things that hurt me. So it's rather puzzling to suddenly want to be hurt, and especially by someone who loves me so well.

On another level, though, it scares me because I want it so much. When I met Her, Mistress had another pet, one that also enjoyed being hurt. In fact, he wanted it so much that it turned Her off. That wasn't what ended things between them, but it was a part of what led to it. I guess I'm just insecure enough to fear losing someone I love to something we enjoy. I really don't know what my limits are, and I don't know what Hers are. I trust Her to take me where I need to be and to get me safely back, but I don't want to push Her to take me there too often, or too deeply.

That, I suppose, is the final level of fear. My family has wrestled with addictions for several generations, and I've seen men destroyed by their pleasures - drawn again and again to a trough of their own destruction long after it ceased to offer any pleasure. I fear that I could lose myself to my desire. I fear that my desire to be hurt could come unharnessed and wreak havoc.

It's sort of like driving into the teeth of a hurricane - it doesn't make sense to mess with something that holds such promise and threat. But love changes a person. Love makes it worth facing the threat in order to reach for the promise, because threats don't always materialize. And is always worth reaching for.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Storms and Hurtie Stuff

Sorry for the long delay between posts! Sometime LIFE just gets in the way...

Things continue to be real and normal with Myself and My sweet tomio.  And by normal and real, I mean we had a hurricane.  Sigh.  New England never used to have hurricanes, and this is two in a row, one each October.

I faired fine here in MA with only flickering lights and annoyance with the terror the news media was trying to cause.  My sweetness was still very lucky, but not as lucky as Me.  Being that he is in NJ, he did have effects of it.  His kids were out of school for a week and a half, and his cable and internet were out.  He had electricity, but his cell phone did not always work, and even when he appeared to have signal, texts would not go through for hours then they would all hit at once. It made me crazy.  It made him crazy.  There was craziness, and it sucked.

The odd thing was that the weekend BEFORE the Monday night hurricane was our weekend together.  It was a great weekend in our favorite hotel.  We cooked meals together  (ok he cooked meals naked and I made raunchy comments, grabbed his various bits, bit, licked, nibbled on him...) and then Saturday afternoon, the hotel slid a notice under our door.  "Hurricane Warning, be scared, flee, warning warning."   It sort of put a damper on things because I started to worry. The damper was minor and there was still plenty of kinkery and a lot of WOOHOO, but it was there... in the back of my mind.  The "what if a tree falls on my sweetness"... sort of thing.

The thing is, control freaks hate storms, because they cannot be controlled. The million "what-ifs" in my head were swirling and crazy.  Part of me wants to blame the media.  But the problem is that SO many people WERE badly affected by the storm, that it was good they were warning people.  However.  I heard a news report the Friday before that said "the storm will either be a direct hit, be a glancing blow, or miss us entirely." Wow.  Thanks for that.  With all of the technology and power, the reality was that they just did not really know until just before it hit.

Ok so We got through it and everything is fine again.  I was able to talk to him a bit every day, and in the end it was all ok.  Thankfully.

So the other thing I wanted to blog about is pain.  Now we have discussed the fact that I am not a sadist.  I do like SOME things that are a bit hurtie:  The crop, biting, spanking...  The littler stuff-- and sometimes we do a lot of hurtie things so it lasts a while.  During the last visit, after the storm, My sweetness looked up at Me, with big brown eyes.  His forehead creased with concern.  "Mistress, is it OK that I like that you hurt me?"  At first I did not know what to say.  Where was this coming from?  So I thought for a minute, as I cuddled him to my chest.  And then I remembered.  I had a pet who was a pain whore.  He wanted more, more,  more and he wanted more than I was comfortable with.  It did not work out with Us, because Our kinks did not match.  Sweetness was worried that he could become a pain whore and it would turn Me off!   I chuckled and reassured him that he was no pain whore, nor would he ever be.  He liked a little pain, but not a huge amount.  It was just the right level for Us both.  I felt him relax against Me.  Then, with a grin, I said, "Besides My love... You do what I tell you to, and We do what pleases Me."  We laughed.  I spanked him again, and then I made love to him.  It's what we do.  And We LOVE it, and each other!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

All of me, All of You

As Mistress wrote in Her post, our time together for our last visit was wonderful. As seems typical, it was not what either of us seemed to anticipate, but when the weekend was done, it was exactly what both of us needed. It was kind of amusing to me to hear Her wistfully apologize for a lack of kink. Once I reminded Her of some of the things we did together, She realized there was no need to apologize - even if She had been correct in Her assessment.

So, what happened? Well, for one thing: There just isn't enough time to fit in everything that we want to do (so we focus on what we need). This means there is always some activity that has been left out of our lineup, and it can be easy to miss it. If you go to a buffett expecting fried chicken and they have everything but fried chicken; then you will likely go away filled, but you will still miss the fried chicken that you initially wanted. It doesn't mean the buffett was inferior in any way. It just means that you are human and our desires truly are infinite.

For another thing, neither of us feels particularly kinky when we are enjoying each other. The menu of activities assuredly fall in the realm of BDSM/kink. But we are simply being authentic with each other. We are just us.

Every person has to manage several roles they present to the world. You are the same person at work and at home, but in one place you are an employee and in the other you might be a parent. Those roles demand different behaviors. Our responsibilities require that we put off things we want and that we prioritize our needs. Mistress and I didn't have to do that when we were together because we walled off the world and just concentrated on each other. When we did that, time seemed to crawl by, allowing us to milk the most out of each moment. Oddly, when we were done, the time seemed to have passed all too quickly.

Athletes call this "being in the zone." The only other way I've experienced it is when I'm writing, playing music, or when I'm repairing a mechanical device. It's a nearly addictive state of being. It feeds your soul and consumes it completely. It's why I immediately know that I enjoyed our time together, but it takes a few moments for my memories to access the details. In effect, it doesn't matter what we did, it just matters that we did it together (this, incidentally, is why I think it is so hard to be apart, too). It is also what allows us to not worry about straying into non-BDSM/kinky territory. We can play Scrabble or watch TV. We can go shopping, or we can read poetry to each other. It isn't because we have had enough of the kink and we need a break (um...I don't think that's possible). It's that being wrapped into each other allows me to enjoy the authentic entire person that Mistress Delila really is. She has interests and desires and needs that can't be met by anything but the kinky/BDSM stuff...but she also has interests and desires and needs that can't be met by anything that is kinky/BDSM stuff. She isn't a cardboard cutout Mistress - She's a real person.

And I love all of Her.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Life Beyond The Kink

Most of you know that My tomio and I do not live together at this time.  It is difficult because our relationship is so much more than The Kink. There are a lot of D/s couples who have only The Kink and that's cool too.  Our relationship started as Kink and became so much more. So as it turned out, life circumstances (it has been a difficult time!) had kept us apart for an extended period of time.  While we talk multiple times a day, the skin contact is something that we both need, and without that, we both suffer.

So this weekend, we finally got to be together again.  It was wonderful, it was heaven and it was more than just the kinky fuckery!   After such an absence I was not sure what My most urgent needs would be.  There was so much I WANTED to do, but what first and when and how much?

As usually happens, We settled into exactly what We both needed.  After the time apart, the aching and the hunger, what We needed most was simple contact time: being together, touching skin, holding hands, laughing, cuddling, and just being together.    Oh don't get me wrong, the dominance never gets pushed aside. It is our relationship, in and out of the bedroom.  So for this weekend, he did the grocery shopping, cooked for Me (wearing only his collar-- the cooking, not the shopping! What is the matter with you people?  hehehehe), washed the dishes, and basically made himself available for whatever I needed (a back rub, a pedicure, quiet time...)  Oh and this weekend, for the first time in our relationship, We watched TV!  It felt so normal, and relaxed and peaceful.  I am not a big TV person.  I watch very little actually, but to lay in bed, skin on skin and to veg out in front of the was just SO right!   It was a two day slice of paradise.  The escape felt so good, that I actually slept through the night without waking to attack him in the middle of the night!  That was a bit sad, because some of My best wickedness happens at 5am, but when a body has needs, there is no arguing with it.

There was time for the kinky stuff too, it was not all cuddles and rainbows, that would truly not be us either...  However a bulk of the time was just reconnecting, enjoying and Me taking the time I needed to de-stress. (There has been a lot of painful, exhausting and worrisome things in My world lately, and the stress was taking its toll.)

My initial problem was that I had this imagined pressure in My head, telling Me that he was going to expect a certain level of kinkiness and that I need to be sure that I feed his needs.  The truth of the matter is that My tomio is a submissive, and though he has needs, one of his greatest need is to make sure that I am happy.  This may sound like fabricated stereotypical-porn-shit, I know it does.   But its not part of the play, not part of the roles, its Us, as a couple.  This is what makes Me understand how real We really are:  there is no pressure, no expectations and My body always gets what it needs.  I know that our connection and My control allows Me to reach down, tug his collar and he gives Me what I need.  No discussion, no misunderstandings, he just does as directed, often without words.  That power is so healthy and right for Me. Not only is it Okay for Me to have needs, but resolving My needs feeds him in so many ways.  I don't have to ask if his needs are being met, because I can see it and feel it in him.  He does not complain about having to wash dishes, he just does it and My inner Control Freak does handsprings at not having to tell  him to do it.

I look at the past, remember My unhappiness, and My confusion about it.  I think about the times when things should have been happy, but they were not.  It was only when I took control of My own life again, when I gave Myself permission to be in control...only then did My life get happy again!

At the end of the weekend, I said "OH MY GOD we did not get kinky!"  He blinked and looked at Me. "What about XXX?" Ok, "and XYZ?" Um yeah, oh and "XOX?"  Oh yeah, hehe, that was kinky too.  OK... WHEW!  That was a close one!    Ok, not really, but it was that point at which I realized that the normal of part of our relationship will always be kinky. Its so normal that it just did not feel kinky... (wicked grin)  but Oh was it ever! (EVIL LAUGH)

So what happened what just what we needed to happen.  It always works out that way! Even when I make all sorts of plans, plan out some "scenes" as some call them, we always end up just doing what comes naturally and it always ends up being just what We need.  It just feels natural.  There are times with the kinky fuckery is not the primary activity, and not the primary need.  At those times, We need to be able to reach in the vanilla world and find the little joys that feed more than the loins.  I like it.  It makes Me happy.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I don't call it kink...because it's normal for me

Which way is it: You discover the world around you and learn language to describe it; or you learn language that allows you to define the world around you? In other words, is the world neutral and experienced universally? Or is it our language that allows us to understand our environment?

According to the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis, it is our language that allows us to understand the world around us. Language is so embedded in our consciousness that it is virtually impossible to think of anything and not put a name to it. In fact, one of the reasons why people often struggle with abstract artwork is that it cannot be adequately described as a is a concoction of colors or angles or whatever. We need a name for a thing to be able to adequately place it in our mind and manipulate it.

Obviously, things exist prior to our linguistic education. If you didn't know the word for "tree" there would still be millions of trees. But to you, they would just be "things that come up from the ground and make shade." If you wanted to give directions, you'd tell someone "Go down to that big thing sticking up from the ground that makes a lot of shade and turn left." Perhaps they would understand what you meant, but perhaps they would think you meant a building or a street sign or a swing-set.

Once you understand "tree," however, things are different. You can not only differentiate between what is tree and what is not tree, but what different types of trees have in common and how they vary. You could even become a tree expert, and pontificate about the proper uses of trees. You might even become the Lorax, and speak for the trees, the trees, the Truffula trees.

It wouldn't change the nature of the tree one bit. Being called a tree or a birch or an elm or whatever - even if it is a misnaming - doesn't have any impact at all. From the tree's perspective (if it has one - let's say it does), it is just being what it has always been.

So I can say that I am a submissive man with slightly masochistic tendencies. I believe I always have been, but I didn't have the terminology to describe it properly for quite a long time. Even when I gained the terminology, I misnamed myself. But now I know who and what I am and I'm comfortable with it - but to me, it is simply normal. This is how I am. Only the names have changed.

There are a lot of reasons why I misidentified my sexual identity. For one thing, I grew up in a household where sex, of any kind, just wasn't discussed. It was a dirty, filthy, disgusting act that should be saved for the one I loved more than anyone in the universe (except Jesus, of course, who, presumably, got sad when I got an erection, and burst into sobs of grief when I orgasmed).

Even when I got away from that thinking, I was still caught up in the traditional role processes of what is good and proper for a male. So...come up with three good examples of a submissive man in literature, movies, or popular culture where the man is also strong, kind, and fully capable of handling life (Sorry - the "knights of old" weren't submissive to women...they typically swore allegiance to a man, and women were simply property. I'm also going to say that "being a gentleman" is not enough to qualify as "submissive" because manners does not equal orientation.)

So I stumbled into BDSM through porn...where submissive men are simply not portrayed as anything to which I'd aspire to. Part of the problem, of course, is that porn is basically meant to provide visual and auditory stimulation so a person can have an orgasm. It isn't meant to have a plot (other than to explain why these people discovered each other) and it doesn't delve into the contextual complexities that real-live relationships have to (this is as true of "vanilla" porn as it is of BDSM, too).

The upshot of this is that while I now know the lingo to describe my orientation and desires, that language merely describes me; it does not define me. So people with whom I have relationships with where displaying submissiveness would be inappropriate simply have no clue that I am submissive. Why would they? Before I knew I am "kinky" I didn't tell my friends and family when and how I had sex...why would I do that now? I didn't go to sexy parties before I learned the lingo, so why would I go now?

I write about being a submissive man because I realize there are something like seven billion people on earth, and if only one percent of them are submissive males; then there are at least seventy million submissive men out there. From what I can tell, there are precious few role models for them to draw on. There are too many self-destructive paths. Maybe a few of those seventy million will page through Google far enough to find this and say, "Hey, that's the lingo I've been looking for! I'm not a total freak and an asshole and a threat to those around me!"

Because, you see, it isn't a question of being both "kinky" and "normal" - at least not to me. It's a realization that kinky IS normal...and that doesn't change a thing.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Kinky AND normal? You bet!

OK here's the thing...  I am a Dominant women, but I live in a vanilla world.

Don't get me wrong, I love the vanilla world and I LOVE that I can blend into it so easily.  It makes me feel like Diana Prince.  NO Not Princess Di...  Diana Prince, Wonder Woman's Secret Identity.  (Yes I had to look it up too!)   I was going to say Bruce Wayne, but that confuses gender issues and I am NOT going there.  I am all woman, big boobs, big hips, big attitude...

Yes you guessed it, I am moderately aggressive, demanding, opinionated, difficult, stubborn and when I get pissed off, it takes a while for Me to come back down. But I am not always a bitch.  I am actually very generous, sweet, loving and amusing.   I can assure you that if I walked up to any member of My social circles and said, "I am a Sensual Dominant, involved in a long term BDSM relationship."  They would check me for a fever then laugh themselves silly.

This is a good thing.  Its not that I am in the proverbial closet (OMG the shoe closet would be an awesome place to be!) its just that I have decided that My life outside the BDSM world is good, stable and sane and there is no reason to rock the boat.  I like be liked (or disliked) for being Myself, not because of someone's preconceived notion of what Domination is.

Every morning at the gym, I watch TV while I work out. Most of the time I get hooked on crime shows.  I have been shocked, again and again, how many people are SUSPECTS because of their BDSM connection.  Most are proven to be unconnected to the crime, but sadly, quite a few of them turn out to be psychos.

There is a certain level of suspicion and distrust of people that are outside the realm of normal.   Not only do I not want to be seen as an outsider, but I don't think that My sexuality needs to be on display.  I don't feel that others could trust Me as a kind, generous and loving person if they knew I like to tie up My lover and ass fuck him with a sparkly purple strap-on until he can't form sentences.  LMAO!!

There is this odd and unfair stereotype that would make family members distrust Me with their children and spouses...  I mean its not like I can say, "Mom, you should see how sexy My lover is, when he is collared and kneeling in front of Me!"  LMAO  But I also would not say "Mom you should see how sexy My lover is in his plaid jammies, and the missionary sex is amazing!"    The point of all of this is that it is not necessary to have My sexuality on display in any form.  It is not relevant to My life outside of My relationship and  I like My privacy.

But what about the blog,you say?   Well...  The point of this blog is to help people realize that they CAN be kinky and wicked and still be normal, regular people!  Not only that, but kinky and wicked can be loving, caring, gentle and passionate.  The softer side, the Sensual Domination side of The Kink does not get enough  air time!  No one talks about the cuddling and kissing and loving service, because its just not as crazy and exciting as a bound man being required to paint his Mistress's toenails holding the brush between his teeth to avoid a beating.  Yes this is the bullshit I read about, and the morons go nuts for it!  By the way, the above mentioned activity is a complete fantasy and is not physically possible, unless you want your whole friggin foot spotted with polish, in which case, you are...  a dope.  Sometimes people are idiots, and idiots don't even make up good fantasies.

Instead of such nonsense, I do various dark and dirty things to (and with) My sweetness, then I hold and cuddle him.  We kiss, snuggle, laugh, take long hot showers.  He has recently started "snuffling" Me.    He crams his nose into My neck, behind My ear and loudly and dramatically snuffs, sniffs and inhales. Its silly and ridiculous and it makes Me laugh out loud, so I love it!  The we do "normal things" that allow us to be seen, out in the world.  We shop, eat out, walk hand in hand, go to the car wash....  We just do regular things, but with a little extra love, because We can, and because, as his Dominant...  I insist on it.  (GRINS)

Go ahead, take a chance, taste the can relax in knowing that its your own private little world, and no one else needs to know how delicious it is!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

50 Shades of "No, Thank You"

I haven't read the books. I made it through maybe five pages and I just couldn't make myself continue. When I first read it, I thought Ana (the virginal main character) was going on a job interview for her sick friend - which is stupid. But as it turns out, it's an interview for the school paper, or some such thing...which is just as stupid. That just isn't the way things work at all - no journalist is going to pass up an interview of a lifetime (which this is supposed to be) and if they HAD to; then they'd pass it back to their editor, who would reassign it. go.

But the truth is, I was LOOKING for a reason to not like the book(s). Partly it is because I absolutely loathe pop culture. My favorite things (music, books, etc) are generally things no one else has heard of. So the worst way to get me to try something is to make a HUGE popular fuss over it. Incidentally, that's also why I absolutely can't stand sports fans...just get over your self already.

So why was I ready to hate the book at first glance?

I can't give a short answer (big surprise, I know). Partly, I think, the answer is jealousy - not of someone having written a book, but that all the fuss was/is being made over a book that features BDSM and it has a - wait for it...wait for it...wait for it - a female submissive. What could possibly be more predictable? Sigh.

Look, I KNOW that a more adventurous set of characters would never have taken off like this did. THAT is the problem. Just the fact that this Dominant Man and submissive woman romance has taken off like this allows the incredibly STUPID idea that M/f is NORMAL and what EVERYONE really wants to not just continue, but rise bubbling up through the subconsciousness of a whole new generation of people. God, it makes me just want to puke.

I'm not saying that M/f is wrong. I know a whole lot of people who are happy with that dynamic. I'm very happy for everyone who finds fulfillment in that arrangement. But all that 50 Shades does for me is cast me as an outsider.

Okay, maybe that isn't such a long explanation after all.

Mistress Delila is right, though - this book potentially could go a long way towards destigmatizing BDSM. Except that, from Mistress's review, it looks like everyone in the story is damaged goods and using BDSM to work through rage and power issues. Not exactly a welcoming idea for those who haven't heard of BDSM before.

Plus, why is it that pain is nothing other than a punishment? In a BDSM book, where an admitted sexual sadist takes center stage, wouldn't it be natural for SOMEONE to actually ENJOY what they are doing? There is so much more to BDSM than just the grim determination to see it through to an orgasm.

I don't identify as a masochist, personally. But after more than a year and a half with Mistress Delila, I have to admit that I have a masochistic streak. There are some kinds of pain that I enjoy at some times. It isn't easy to explain, and I guess that's why an author would resort to such rote stereotypical characterizations. When you can't actually understand what it is you are writing about; then you kind of have to fall back on stereotypes, don't you?

I can't speak for others, but I do not seek any sort of sensation based on my childhood abuse and neglect. Quite the opposite, I sought for many years to feel nothing at all about it. I tried to minimize it and ignore it and pretend it never reared its ugly head. Nor do I need pain to get an erection or have an orgasm (although  the combination is intense).

When I submit to Mistress Delila, I am displaying my love for Her. By putting Her needs and desires above my own, I grant Her status above me and authority over me. I have to harness and control my base instincts and sublimate them to Her will. When I kneel and pleasure Her with my mouth, without any thought of reciprocation, I am doing this. But when I feel the sting of the crop across my shoulders during this; it changes things.

She is not simply passively accepting the pleasure I give Her. She is an active participant who is directing my actions. Since She never starts out rough, but rather warms me to Her crop, I know that She is holding me and my well-being first and foremost in Her mind. She is accepting that it is a privilege for me to worship Her in this way, and by granting me pain, She is raising the stakes and demanding that I pay an even higher price for this privilege. It is a price I pay willingly, and if it did not mean interrupting Her pleasure, I would beg Her for more.

This is what has been missing from every discussion of 50 Shades that I have heard...there is not pleasure, no loving, no adoration. It is the power and control and kinky fuckery that I crave, but it is bereft of any redeeming emotional investment. In the absence of such love and affection, it is simply cruelty with a facade of eroticism.

I've had enough cruelty in my life, no matter what it's wearing. So, thanks, but no thanks. I don't need 50 Shades.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

50 shades of "you have got to be kidding!"

OK so I gave in to the hype of 50 shades.  I started reading it, hopeful that the fervor over it would help bring BDSM out of the shadows, stop the freak label that we carry and help mainstream the kink.   I mean with everyone going nuts for the books, it could happen... right?   I will admit that it was a lofty expectation. BUT ARE  YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? (calms self)

Firstly, these books appear to be written by someone who googled kink. There are a few buzz words and a a lot of BDSM for dummies sort of explanations. "The purpose of the butt plug is to...blah blah blah." But this is not written by someone who understands KINK...or life, or interactions, or how to write...

Ok, not only is the plot weak (he is a self made gazillionaire at 27 yrs old, and she is a pain in the ass)-- but the kink is so stereo-typical that it just feeds all the crap and fear about BDSM...


Problem 1)  His interest in BDSM and Sadism is based on his physical and sexual abuse as a child/ young man.  This is bullshit.  It is a long standing myth that only damaged freaks engage in BDSM.  That is simply not the truth. Interest in bondage and kinky sex is not due to abuse or mental illness.  I have never been abused in My life, and I am a normal person.  On the street, you would notice Me as a well-dressed, put-together woman with a warm smile.  There is nothing, absolutely nothing about Me that says "freak train"... honestly!  LOL

Problem 2) He wants her to sign a contract about the BDSM activities. These things include never sleeping in his bed, not looking him in the eyes, not touching him without consent and so on.  This contract is firstly, not legally binding, and is basically giving him permission to treat her like an object and giving her nothing. While I will admit there are SOME in the BDSM world that want that on both sides (sighs) that is NOT the reality of most relationships of the D/s nature.  If you are reading this, then you know that I am a Sensual Dominant. I do not play with "objects."  If I wanted THAT, I would buy more damned batteries!  She does not sign the contract because she wants more...which is one of only two or three good things about the book! We'll talk about "more" in a minute.

Problem 3) The writer sees and therefore portrays many of his kinky habits as punishment.  I guess this makes sense for a character who is perpetually pissed off.  For someone with a gazillion dollars, he spends an awful lot of time being pissed off....  but he uses the spanking, binding, orgasm denial, teasing and toys as punishment for he many trivial and irritating mistakes.  Someplace in the books (they all blur into one big annoyance for me) she falls asleep on the beach and when she accidentally rolls over, her top falls off and he flips out about her showing her boobs to the public.  He punishes her with kinky sex with handcuffs and while she is writhing around, not only does she bruise the shit out of her ankles and wrists, but he puts bite makes and hickeys all over her chest so that she is forced to wear long sleeve and long skirts for the rest of the vacation!  Are you kidding Me??  At another point he has to stop himself from "beating the shit out of her."  Um ok.. that is not BDSM, that is ABUSE.  Plain and simple, causing intentional damage to the body, and beating the shit out of someone is abusive.  If he had not been trying to injure her, then he could easily have used padded cuffs or shackles for the same kinky effect without the injuries.  As I have said, sweetness and I tried the handcuffs, but they hurt his big thick (drool-ably manly) wrists and shoulder.  So we stopped, and switched back to fabric!  Easy enough!   And spanking, for someone who likes it, is FUN.  Its not done as punishment, but instead as part of the play.  He ENJOYS the riding crop against his skin.  He is not a pain whore, it just works for him!  He can talk more about that himself...

Problem 4) The kinky sex scenes are lame.   Firstly, they have sex like 10 times a day.  Both would be dehydrated at the very least...  but then again the sex seems only to last a few minutes.  There are a few scenes that are so vague that I could not even tell what was going into where and how...  Each scene includes him saying "I want you now",  doing a wetness test on her and declaring her good and ready (rolls eyes), mention of some sort of sex toy:  This is a (name some toy) and it is used for (some lame internet description of the activity.)  Yawn.  Shortly after that, she "explodes into a million pieces under him" then he yells OH ANA as he finds his release.  (blinks)  um that's it??  Really??  Shit, if I wanted 3 min sex, I could have stayed with My ex!   LOL!  One of the few things I do like about the books is his use of the term "Kinky Fuckery!"  I love love love that term and now I use it often. As someone who truly enjoys kinky fuckery, (acts involved in and relating to the kink) I can tell you that 3 mins is simply not the way it works!   While I am not willing to use this page as wank fonder  (looks up as several readers run out of the blog space. Bye now! LOL) I can honestly tell you that the kinky fuckery starts as Item A, rolls into Activity B, tap dances into C, D, E and F and somewhere around G or H one or both of us collapse into a sweaty, exhausted heap, out of breath and grinning like the Cheshire Cat....  MMM god I love Our kinky fuckery!  LMAO 

Problem 5) Mr 50 shades started as a submissive, then became a dominant and his Mistress became his submissive, and during a time of great stress, Mr powerful collapses back into a submissive.  Again, another Myth.  Not everyone in the kink world is a Switch (someone who is both submissive and dominant, depending on the partner and the play)--  It IS true the some try both sides. It is My personal opinion that folks who "play" might switch for fun.  By this I am referring to those who are "tops" or "bottoms" in casual play but those who live it tend to be either submissive OR Dominant.  I am not, nor will I ever imply that there is only ONE WAY.. that is crap, there are a lot of ways, but not everyone is a switch!  I tried to be a switch back in the beginning and I absolutely fucking hated it!  HATED IT. Did I mention that I hated it? It actually made me be violent.   I am simply not made to be submissive.  The very best I can manage is  vague indifference. Sigh.  Its just the way I am wired, and I am not alone.  

Problem 6)  He decides he wants to have "more" too.  In a matter of months her love cures him of his sadistic nature, his crazy former submissive is cured of her psychotic break and is normal again, and he becomes a happy healthy normal sort of guy who is less of a control freak and life is all just wonderful. 
I admit that love is pretty awesome and amazing, it heals the heart and soul to some extent. However, mental illness, early childhood abuse, and controlling nature does not just go away with love, with therapy, with drugs...  those things just don't go away.  For people with real issues, suggesting that love will fix it all is cruel and unfair.  Love is wonderful, but it does not fix everything. And Kinkiness is not something to be cured of! In the end of the books, they settled on something sort of like what I have with My sweetness.  A loving form of Kinkey Fuckery, and a loving relationship.  That part is good.  

Problem 7)  This one might actually be closer to the top of My list...  Two scenes in the book regarding safe words make me crazy.  In one scene, the FIRST heavy kink scene, he is spanking her and she is freaking out and he keeps going.  She is too freaked out to remember to use the safe word and he is too self absorbed to see it until its too late.  Another scene he loses control and she does use the safe word and he freaks out because he went too far and pushed her beyond her limit. I have said before that I don't like safe words. Let me explain why.  I have never had a casual play relationship.  I  have known my partners and because I am a responsible Dominant, I communicate and I check in,  I watch his face, I listen to his noises and I actually ask him, are you ok? Doing alright? need a break? need some water?  We will never reach a point of needing a safe word because I am tuned in to him and I keep myself in control.  Losing control when you are the controlling party is dangerous.  If you feel guilty because your submissive used a safe word, then you know you were not paying attention.  Control means control of self as well, not leaving it up to the submissive to tell you when you have gone too far. Human beings react to extremes in different ways.  Some shut down, and someone who shuts down will  not be able to use a safe word and may not be able to even say stop!  The dominant has to remain in control for the safety of everyone involved.  The only time My sweetness has ever said stop was due to muscle cramps that had nothing to do with My actions.  Leg cramps, hip cramps and gas pains have stopped us, but it has never been stopped because I had gone too far.  In fact, on several occasion he was sick and I knew he was not OK before he did.  I am tuned in to him and his needs and his boundaries so we don't have safe words.

Enough numbers!  There are a lot of things wrong with these books, mostly stereotypes, lack of truthful information, lack of understanding about the interactions and reactions in BDSM, and a general sense of unreality.    Sigh, I had such high hopes for the books and they crashed and burned for me. The very best I can hope for is for some people to get a slight tingle from the kink and a very slight loosening of "moral standards."  Its a bonus that the church will flip over these books! (EVIL GRIN) Its true, she is making a ton of money off of them.  I honestly can't understand why.

I am not sure the world is ready for a truthful book about Kinky Fuckery... or are they?

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Try the direct route

I love 95% of this post. Right up to the point where the author writes:
No, I think I’d rather fly under the radar, and work my ways on some strong man who’s never really given bedroom submission a thought before. I guess I’ll have to start slow and ease him into it with those silly fur cuffs, so eventually he’ll go for real rope. Maybe I’ll even make him think it’s all his idea…

I'll cut some slack for the author admitting that She is new to BDSM, and that She came to it through watching porn. But I find this conclusion to be rather offensive, and I'm pretty sure if She tries it this way, She is going to end up frustrated and hurt.

First of all, with the "fly under the radar" of the cornerstones of having a healthy relationship of any kind is "informed consent." Failure to have that consent means the relationship is built on manipulation and lies. In my experience, relationships that strive for honesty will still encounter enough problems without planning a huge deception from the beginning.

Think about an alternate scenario: A woman is writing about wanting a big family and says, "It doesn't matter if he wants kids or not. I'll fly under the radar and he can either have sex with me and raise the kids I want or he can not have sex...and we all know how that will work out!" Would that sound flirty and confident or deranged and manipulative? No one in their right mind would encourage her to "fly under the radar" with such an important aspect of a relationship.

Well, that goes double for BDSM. If someone is going to tie me up, blindfold me, and otherwise render me helpless; then I have to be confident that I'm not going to suddenly be forced into uncharted territory with no way to communicate. There can be no doubt about whether the Dominant is honest about their desires and how they are going to fulfill them. What if She decides that the dildo went in so easy that She's going to cram Her whole fist up there? If I can't trust that I know the answer to that; then I'm not going to get immobilized in the first place.

Secondly, there's the idea that She wants "a strong man" who has never thought about submission. If She had any idea how offensive that comment is; then I doubt She'd have written it. It's as if She is believes that a man loses his strength when he even thinks about submission. What about those of us who live it as our normal lives? Are we spineless jellyfish? What does She mean by "strong" anyway?

Mistress Delila does not (usually) restrain me when She wants to enjoy hurting me. I lay there, holding my body open and vulnerable so She can take Her pleasure. It isn't something any weakling would consider. Plus, in a society that holds submission to be antithesis to masculinity, any guy who steps out and openly proclaims his submissiveness is showing a hell of a lot of strength of character. His biceps aren't big enough? Combine push-ups and cunnilingus and make them bigger.

Strength occurs independently of submissive desires. I understand that the author is simply expressing Her desires - but to the extent that it reinforces the perception of submissive men as being weak, it needs to be called out. At the very least, She needs to be a bit more specific about what She is wanting - something that is hard to do while flying under the radar.

Then there's, "I'll even make him think it's all his idea..." Why? For the sake of all the fucking in Heaven, why? If the idea is to be DOMINANT; then why would She want to start by forfeiting even the idea that She wants to be Dominant? Speaking as a submissive man, I don't want a woman I have to CONVINCE to Dominate me. I want (and have) a woman who will listen carefully to what I want and need, ask questions to clarify any murky areas, explain what She is looking for, and then submerge me within Her will.

Periodically, I see posts that ask, "How can I get my vanilla SO to be kinky?" The answer is: You can't. Either they are, or they aren't. Now, there is a possibility that they are kinky and are unaware of it, but that isn't the same as not being kinky. Exactly how does one segue from man-on-top, penis-in-vagina to woman-on-top, whipping-his-ass-and-plowing-a-strapon without the other person knowing it is happening? Short of date-rape drugs and heavy sedation - both of which are morally reprehensible - it isn't possible. Get it out of your head!

The way to find out if someone is kinky - even if you've been married for fifty years - is to sit down and talk with them. It's something that no one can fly under the radar with. Trying to do so only leads to hurt feelings and heartbreak.

Moving back up the post, the author writes:
I’ve never told anyone about these desires and I’m not sure how to bring them up. I know there are websites for people like me, who want to find a “slave,” but I don’t buy into the whole leather-boots, lotsa-lipstick look that screams “Dominatrix right here!” Nor do I want this to be an entire “lifestyle,” one in which my boyfriend, after a satisfying round of power play, does my dishes and folds my laundry while on all fours.
Most Dominant women don't fit the "Dominatrix" model as found in porn, just as most submissive men don't fit the "slave" model found there. The good news is that, when you are open and honest about what you want, you are free to forge your own path. Instead of having him on all fours, make him stand up to fold the laundry - make him stand up naked while wearing a gigantic butt plug if that's what both of you like. Or just keep it in the bedroom. Whatever floats your boat is what you should be looking for.

As far as how to talk to's easy, but scary. Take a deep breath, look them in the eye, and say, "I am really looking for a man/woman/something that is willing to do this________. How do you feel about that?"

Don't let the websites scare You. There are all kinds of dating sites filled with people who want to be married or just to hook up for a night. But that doesn't mean it is impossible to find someone in between those extremes.

I'll close with this hard-learned bit of advice: You will never find what you want by accepting something you don't want. You will only hurt people by accepting what you don't want in the hopes that it will turn into what you do want.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A submissive state of being

"What if all I want to do is lay in bed and cuddle?"

I shrugged, even though I knew Mistress couldn't see it on the phone. The truth is, it wouldn't matter to me if that was all She wanted. I have told Her repeatedly that I would drive any distance just to sit and hold Her hand. Cuddle? Oh, yeah,'s happening!

Of course, Mistress was only joking. At least, until She arrived at our hotel exhausted and worn from a rough week of work. We kissed, unpacked, put my collar on, and ate the take-out she'd brought with Her. She told me that I didn't have to sit on the floor, but I did anyway, because I could lean my cheek against Her leg and gaze up at Her. Touching Her always draws me back to center. I need a lot of it.

Often Mistress will shake off Her fatigue and get to the fun stuff. Seeing me invigorates Her as much as it feeds me. But this time She just stretched out on the bed and I curled myself around Her in several different ways until we found one that was just right.

It took me a while to realize that this...THIS was what She was expecting of me. She needed me to hold Her just as much as I needed Her touch. Once I realized that I was giving Her what She needed, I was able to relax and enjoy the wonderful closeness of our bodies. In the end, I was fed as much as She was, with nothing happening other than simply lying in each other's arms.

I think I should stress that I was not content to lay and hold Her. Content would indicate that it was "good enough." I was joyous to hold Her for as long as She would allow it. It wasn't just good enough; it was exactly what I needed, at a level so deep that I wasn't even aware of its existence.

This was different than most forms of Dominance. Mistress did not direct me, "Cuddle me and do no more." She simply pulled me down on the bed with Her. It was leading by refusing to lead. By withholding directions, She allowed me to find a quiet and needful space within myself that would not have been uncovered if I had been busy being obedient.

There is a tendency, I think, to equate Dominance and submission with specific actions. Swinging a crop balances holding still for its sting. Giving pleasure balances the acceptance/demand for that pleasure. Dress this way. Do this thing. Do it, do it, do it.

But in this moment, Her Dominance was simply the expectation that I would find Her will and bend myself to it. I struggled temporarily with the lack of direction, but eventually gave up even the expectant waiting for direction. Her Dominance exerted itself through Her simple presence, and my submission just...was. It wasn't doing. It wasn't waiting. It was just there, with Her, at Her side.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Needs, romance and such

Hello All!

I have been remiss in keeping up with My posts. But there is a good reason for it...spring came early to New England, and I am a gardener. GASP! WHAT?? You read it right. I actually have other interests in life than the D/s world! (opens the door for those who are trying to flee the bursting fantasy bubble.) Before you all panic, I am NOT going to turn this into a garden blog. Dominance and the garden do not mix other than in a few fantasy stories I have written...

So, its raining, and I am blogging!

The topic yet to be finished is Romance and Domination. GASP (again?) Can they co-exist?? No? But but but...OF COURSE they can! Don't be silly.

Of course there is plenty of kink in a Sensual Dominant relationship, don't worry yourself about that. However there are things that lack kink and are just about the loving side. Romance is just part of it.

"Mistress, I am sorry I was not able to make this a romantic weekend like you had hoped for..." When the words came out of his mouth, I felt like I was in the twilight zone.

"What do you mean, My sweetness?" I asked... figuring I had not heard him right.

 "I mean I don't know how to be romantic and still be submissive..." Eyebrows knit. Blink. Blink.
 "What are you talking about?" (looks for hidden cameras) When I realized he was serious, I was baffled. I had felt very loved and had enjoyed the feeling of romance all weekend. When I arrived, he rushed out to greet Me and because he was standing by the car door, I had to roll down the window. As soon as I hit the button, he was leaning in the window, professing his love and kissing Me. Yes it is true that My sweetness (tomio) frequently tries to fling himself through My car window when I arrive. It's become part of the ritual to remind him to wait until the car comes to a complete stop, and keep his hands and arms out of the vehicle until it is safe to do otherwise. I truly love that he is so happy to see Me when I arrive. The next step is the smothering kisses that are plastered all over any exposed part part of My body, hands, arms, neck, face, head... KISSING??? In Domination? are you crazy? Yes, yes We are, crazy about each other.

His love for Me is truly romantic.  Not because I demand it, but because it is given so willingly.  When he kneels with lotion in hand and rubs My sore feet, its like a gift from heaven.  Again, I don't ASK for him to rub My feet, he does,because I mentioned at some point that My feet hurt and he works to relieve My discomfort.  The thing I had to explain to him is this:  If I had said "rub My feet." and he does, it is not romantic, its service. But when he hears Me say My feet hurt, the night before, or somewhere in the chat on the ride to meet, and THEN he decides to rub My feet, it is a loving gesture and is romantic.

His fear is that he was leading, because he was not asked to do so.  I had to laugh, because My personality does not really allow for leading... it just does not happen.   Taking the initiative to rub My sore feet with the unscented lotion he bought just for Me is not leading, especially when I am flopped onto the bed, resting from the long ride.  Its more a matter of attending to unspoken needs, and that is a wonderful gift!

One of the last times that we were together, I was physically and emotionally drained and STARVING. I told him somewhat jokingly that what I needed was cuddling, kissing and quiet. At first he was not sure what to make of it. You need to understand that My sweetness is always waiting for instructions, because he wants to please Me. At first he was unsure of how to proceed. He shuffled his feet a bit then We got his collar on, he relaxed. We ate the take-out food that I had brought with Me, and then We crashed. Ok to be clear...I crashed and he caught Me. I laid My head on his chest, My skin against his and I just soaked in the quiet, calm, loving space that We had created. We did not talk at first, and We did not play. We cuddled and snuggled and just soaked each other in. It was perfect, because it was what I needed, and after he let the expectation go, it turns out it was what he needed as well. When I say expectation, I am referring to the pile of needs that build up between our visits. I often spend the first part of our visit contemplating need, Mine and his.

The truth of our relationship is that Mistress (ME!) gets what she wants first. He gets is pleasure from My pleasure. This needs to be clarified however. It is NOT that his needs are not met, because they are never forgotten and never left unfulfilled. However, My needs are first and feeding My needs usually feeds his needs as well.

At some point in our heavy cuddling weekend, I had an attack of guilt. Was he getting his needs met? Was there enough of the other stuff to feed him as well? I looked down at his face. He was the picture of contentment. There were no furrows in his brow. His face was peaceful, his closed eyes had those happy crinkles in the corners and the corners of his mouth were were turned up in a natural, unforced, unpracticed grin. He actually looked almost smug.

"Are you happy My love?" I asked with a soft, sultry voice. It took a moment for his eyes to focus under their heavy lids. "Divinely happy my love." Then he cuddled Me in closer and we dozed for a bit.

While I slept I contemplated it all. Could Mistress still call herself a Mistress when the only service she requested was snuggling and cuddling? PPFFFFFFFT! Um Duh! Yes yes she could, because it was about meeting of needs, and that is the basis of all human interactions. Needs must be met for people to be happy.

One of the things that I am constantly aware of in the realm of the needs of My sweetness is something We call his "touch batteries." He has a strong need for contact, skin to skin, and without enough touch, he is not happy. Part of the after-care that he requires (not because he demands it, but because I can see and feel when he needs) is gentle touch. Even the rough, tough and slightly ouchie parts of our relationship are always followed by loving touch. It's all ok when followed by gentle touch. When we have experimented with some of the harder things, needle play for example, there is always a lot of checking in, loving strokes, gentle words and soft kisses. That balance, and My constant control keeps everything on an even keel and makes Us both blissfully happy.

Just so you folks with hard-core, porn-Domme fantasies are not totally disappointed...there was a LARGE helping of all the good dirty stuff too! Needs come in all different Me (grins wickedly) it was ALL GOOD! LMAO

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Desire, Romance, and Submission

During a recent conversation, just before our last weekend together, Mistress said that She was craving romance. Immediately, my mind went to all of those trite stereotypes: flowers, candle-lit dinner, poetry, whatever. The problem is: Being submissive, and bending to Her directions sort of means that it is difficult for me to spring such things on Her. And if She were to say, "Okay, be romantic..." - I'm not sure I would know how to obey.

I think this is an issue (in fact I know it is) for many non-BDSM relationships. She craves romance and he is clueless about how to feed that hunger. But with our relationship it was more than that - not only was I clueless, but I also needed permission to act.

Or so I thought.

Talking with Mistress afterwards, I discovered, much to my amazement, that She had felt very romanced during our time together. Apparently, I am much more romantic than I thought (patting myself on the back...). This only served to further confuse me. How could I feed Her need for romance without even being aware of it? Without even trying to?

I put the question out on Twitter, and got back some helpful input. But the best information, of course, came directly from Mistress. I'm sure She will discuss it from Her end, but from my end, it boils down to this: Romance is the experience of loving abandonment put into action.

I always rush outside to meet Mistress when She arrives. In fact, the first time we met, She nearly hit me with Her car because I was actively moving towards Her before She came to a complete stop. But my hunger for Her touch is so great that I simply cannot wait patiently. Greeting Her means touching Her, kissing Her, letting out all of the hunger and the need that I bottle up when I must be away from Her.

Because She can feel how deeply I mean every touch and kiss, this is romantic to Her. And I must say that I can see how having someone nearly running in Your direction just to kiss and touch You would be romantic. But only because I am not doing it to be romantic - if that were it; then it would begin to feel contrived and hollow.

When She arrived, She was exhausted from Her drive. So when She laid down, I rubbed Her feet with lotion. From my perspective, it was simply an act of service that She should not have to ask for. She was tired, and I tended Her. It was a rather mundane act of love. I honestly had no idea what it meant to Her until She brought it up as an example.

Again, I think the point is that it could have been something that She ordered me to do. If She had; then it would have been just as meaningful to me - I would still have been doing it for Her. But because She did not have to order me to do it; then it moves into another realm for Her. Because I did it without being told simply because I knew She would enjoy it, it became an act of love.

Men, too often, confuse "romance" with "desire." Or sometimes, "that silly thing we do to get women's underpants off." Based on my new insight, I don't think romance and (sexual) desire are as intrinsically linked as men believe. Romance is making the other person feel like they are prized above all others. That means it's very unique and personal to both people involved. What's romantic for one person is not for another - or even what is romantic for one person at one time may not be romantic for them at all times. It is both experiential (feeling) and active.

There is, of course, a sexual component to romance - call it "sexual romance." It's that point where the slow dance becomes something more primal. Where the feeling of slipping a strawberry between Her lips becomes sensual and arousing. Where sexual desire is unpent and directed at the only person whose existence matters at that moment. It's where sex becomes the most intimate possible act of love and devotion.

So the issue over how to be romantic and submissive really disappears with this understanding. It isn't as simple as just doing more of what I already do. It is going out of my way, even a little, to make sure that She feels loved and desired and...

And She knows that it is only for Her. Not in spite of Her, nor because of Her, but simply for Her. Because what I feel cannot be held back, it guides my actions in a romantic, desirous, and thoroughly submissive manner.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Orgasm control from the Top

Orgasm Control is an interesting topic, as is "leading from below..."

A bit of background on this one is needed. PM (Pre-Mistress)My sweetness had developed a bit of a porn habit. And one of the thing that can happen when one develops such a habit is that your body begins to really like what YOU do when you do it, and forgets how to like the other things it can experience. Basically your cock and your hand become rather close friends... (he is no longer allowed to watch any porn, or to touch himself unless I tell him to)

This was the case with My love. Along with intermittent ED issues (google it! LMAO)We found that it was somewhat difficult to get him to respond the way I wanted him to respond. Now I do need to say, because it is important that it is known. The ED issues DO NOT bother Me at all. If he can't, he can't and there are only about 10,000 other ways to enjoy him. But when he CAN, but he can't cum when I want him to, because of the cock-hand-friendship thing (grins)... THAT is a problem. So We decided that it was time to retrain him. If he did not react the way I wanted, and was not able to cum when I want, then he does not get to.

The challenge is that since We are not yet living together (circumstances currently beyond our control, but not forever!) that means there are times when he has to go for a while, and it also that takes away one of the fun things We used to be able to do by phone and webcam. We do get together about twice a month (its never enough) and We are working our way towards being together all the time. Those times are always wonderful, but it means there is a lot of time apart, which is never easy.

Our "private phone time" was never an easy thing, because he is the father of young children and We will NEVER slip and let them see or hear anything inappropriate, and the lack of privacy leaves us limited times. But We have always found ways around it. So then We get to the point where he is not allowed to cum without Me... well for someone who PM (see above, LOL) used to cum daily, its a sacrifice.

The fact that We are not together always means that My sweetness (he's such a good boy!) often looks for extra ways he can surrender to Me from afar. He was so excited about the concept of retraining that he was going on and on and on about it. Begging Me to make him wait, make him suffer, over and over again. I understand that this is a big sacrifice for him , and the fact that it is a big sacrifice makes him very excited. But it got to the point where it was just TOO much to listen to anymore. So I scolded him.

Now here is the thing. Being excited about activities or lack there of, is great, but the excitement and begging got to the point where it stopped feeling like begging and felt more like an attempt to guide the "plan." THIS is a big No No. Since Tomio and I have a power release relationship, he does not get to guide the plan in any way. I am gentle and loving but I absolutely will not tolerate leading from below, even when it is done accidentally. So in scolding him, I told him that I did not want to hear another word about, because IF I decided I wanted to hear him cum, I was going to and it did not matter if he was waiting or not.

This made him very quiet and later very apologetic. But he stopped yammering about it, which was good. Then We had some unexpected phone play time... it was My intention to just play and leave him hungry. But... was going so well and he was making the most lovely noises and the whim hit. I made him finish. Bad Mistress. HA! It is possible that a small part of it was done in spite of all the begging. It was not My intention. The bottom line remains that I am in charge. So it is what it is.

The best part is that his hunger was not gone for long! YAY! Now if only we can get thru til the next time. Sigh. I hate it when life is out of MY control.

Monday, April 9, 2012

The struggle to remain at the bottom

A while back, Mistress Delila and I identified a trend: The longer I go without seeing Her, the less loving and more stereotypical my daydreams and fantasies of Her become. The reason, at least as I can see it, is that it is actually impossible for a person to fantasize (an action in which we are entirely in control) and be without any control of the situation. One cannot be both submissive AND in total control of the situation, so fantasies of submission cannot actually be an exercise of submission.

As a corollary of this (call it Tomio's Law...yes, I'm THAT humble), it is difficult for a grown man to, constantly and without failing, be powerless. If for no other reason; then because I actually have to utilize personal agency on a daily basis. For example, when I go to work, I cannot wait for a directive for every single action. Even when She and I are together, She expects me to exercise my judgment on somethings (I think it would get VERY tiring to have to give me permission for everything).

So this brings me to something that is an ongoing issue (at this time, anyway). I have had trouble achieving orgasm when Mistress strokes me, so She made the decision that I will not be able to have an orgasm on my own. Not only am I fine with this, it is actually something that I have wanted for a long time. I've discovered that, while physically enjoyable, having an orgasm without Her being present is not emotionally satisfying and feels...well, it feels wrong.

I enjoy the feeling of being controlled, and the fact that I am now hungry for release continually (and that it is connected now to Her touch...swoon) reminds me nearly constantly that I am owned. Which I love. It is, literally, a dream come true for me.

The problem is this: Some friends of mine are coming in from out of town, so our next visit is being postponed. Instead of going two weeks, it will now be almost exactly a month. Again, I'm fine with this. I'm reasonably sure I can make it without any sort of...involuntary issue.

Where this becomes a problem is that I really want to make sure that Mistress makes me wait. Which, in effect, means that I want to control this. It isn't easy to let go of control when something you really crave is tossed into your lap. The paradox is that the more I try to control it, the less likely it is to happen. Since it is often on my mind, I find myself bringing it up with Mistress when we talk. This, in effect, is also trying to influence Her, and therefore control Her.

Yesterday She scolded me for this, and rightfully so. This constant yammering about it is not remaining submissive and accepting of Her decisions. I even questioned whether I am writing this because I would like to get further input and conversation on this as a larger issue or whether it, too, is an underhanded way to try and push Her. Ultimately, since self-deception can't be dispelled on one's own, I don't really know.

So I have this struggle to remain submissive...I want Her to know how much of a gift every single day of hunger is for me. I want Her to know that I am grateful and thankful and hopeful...and to do all of this without trying to push one way or the other. I need this to be entirely Her decision (and I know it will be).

I think I must simply trust Her. There is nothing here that will be a surprise to Her. She knows how I feel and She knows how important this is to me. I normally do not struggle with remaining silent and following Her just seems odd that the place I struggle with most is the place where I get what I actually want.
(Note: This post was reviewed by, approved by, and POSTED BY Mistress Delila)

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Myth of the Submissive man

Ok, by Myth, I do not mean that that do not exist! They do, I own one and parade him around on My arm whenever I can.

The Myth I am talking about is the MISCONCEPTION THAT ALL SUBMISSIVE MEN ARE SPINELESS SISSIES. It is true, some are (and there is nothing wrong with that.) But that is not what it takes to be submissive.

Again, and if I have to keep saying it, I will vomit: THIS IS MY OPINION ONLY, I AM TALKING ABOUT OUR KINK AND AM IN NO WAY TRYING TO TELL ANYONE HOW TO BE A "TRUE" ANYTHING! (gag wretch heave- I hate having to say that over and over!If you are starting to feel like you might be offended, please just go away)

I like MEN, in fact I love men. And a manly, hunky, delicious man wearing a collar that I chose, well, THAT is something that does turn Me on. I told My sweet tomio that I often fantasized about a pet tiger. While I would never think about keeping a real wild animal as a pet, the CONCEPT is what appeals to Me. The idea of having someone who is My lamb, but would tear the world to bits to protect and serve Me is wonderful and magical. Taming the wild is part of the fantasy that feeds Me.

My sweet tomio is that tiger to Me. The angel of My heart, is not spineless. He does bend like bamboo in the breeze for Me, but to the rest of the world he is aggressive, sarcastic and strong. He is tall, broad, and bulky. He was in the Navy, he has never shrunken from a fight and he does NOT let the world walk all over him. I love that, more than I can express.

He and I have spoken a lot about it and the concept of Masculinity is an interesting one. He writes brilliantly on the topic. Is it possible to be masculine and submissive? OF COURSE it is! In fact, I have no interest in the spineless, sissy sort, and in MY (Our) world, panties are for ME only. I am not even sure that I could use it as punishment, because a man in panties turns Me off. I do I find him the sexiest when he is collared and kneeling at My feet, looking up at Me with those lovely brown eyes, his wide shoulders and powerful arms glistening with sweat. He is submissive and has surrendered his control to Me. It's a beautiful thing. (watching him do push-ups for Me...well its like Domme "crack" to Me! LOL)

However, people NEED to understand that just because he is submissive, does not make him a brainless, gutless doormat. He does not get to check his balls and brains at the door! While I am in control of most of his life, he is still a functioning member of society and he is brilliant and amazing man. He still has to use his brain and does not get to use his submissiveness as an excuse. On the rare occasion that he makes a poor choice, he has to explain to Me WHY he did what he did, and we examine it together. There have been times when he was frustrated or felt pressured and he snapped or growled at Me. I quickly remind him that he is property, and that reminder soothes and calms him. The fact that he is property does not degrade him or make him any less. He finds comfort in it, and I can actually SEE how much it calms and settles him. Being submissive to Me does not take anything away from him, it only adds to his comfort and his happiness.

In the past, I have had potential submissives react poorly to the Respect Protocol (Yes Mistress, No thank you Mistress, etc). The most memorable was "I am a military man. I can't be like that, I am no kiss ass pussy" WHAT?? Ummm hello? are you not required to use the same protocol in the army? Dumb-ass. Oh that's right...that was with a MAN. A manly man can respect another manly man, but not a WOMAN. I see. Yeah I see that he was not worthy of serving Me!

So why is it that a man can respect a man, but not a woman without losing his masculinity? I actually think the military ADDS to the fucked up thoughts about masculinity. The subordinates are told over and over that they are slime, and they are not encouraged to think, just do as they are told. They have it drilled into their heads that they are "girls" or "ladies" and not worth the time to yell at them. So god-forbid, they be respectful to a woman! HA!

At this point, I could launch into a long discussion of how men have systematically taken the power from women. But this is not the time or place for that one. I don't claim to have all the answers...but I sure would like to know that people are at least THINKING about the questions, and looking at the world around them.

If it is your nature to be so, its OK to be submissive. If you find the right person, and let your true self out, it can and will be a BEAUTIFUL thing! The magic that My tomio and I have in our relationship is that we are TRULY ourselves now. It just feels so good and so real. I am grateful for it, every day!

Friday, March 9, 2012

My mythological life

In 1992, Bruce Keith (and five or six of his colleagues) published was has become a staple of political science education: The Myth of the Independent Voter. What they found is that, while a lot of people say they are independent, they really aren't. They are partisan voters who are not actively part of the party apparatus. A secondary finding was that these "independents" tend to be very low-information voters (meaning they don't know much about what the election is about).

To talk about the myth of the “submissive man,” I think we have the observed relationship. Not many men openly identify this way, but there are (probably) a ton of them out there. They are low-information submissives who vote the party line, so to speak, but they don't know what the election is about. Interpreted: They follow their wife/girlfriend/whatever's lead, but they don’t walk around saying, “I’m submissive and sexy!” Heck, they probably aren't even aware of BDSM as a lifestyle (other than a quick jerk on a porn site), so they can't very well say they are something they aren't even aware exists.

At its heart, submission is simply allowing one’s partner to lead. It is being able to follow and accept directions/orders. There is no organization on earth that can function without nearly every single member agreeing to submit – there can only be one man or woman at the top of the hierarchy. In some groups, like the military, the hierarchy is formalized down to the last detail. In others, it is more informal. But every group is made up primarily of those who submit; who follow; who obey.

Submission is to put someone else’s desires before one’s own. It is saying, “I want to do this. But I know that doing this will make Her happy, so I will choose to do that.” Every relationship in the world enjoys this dynamic to some degree. To claim that it isn’t is to say that a relationship can have one party who says, in effect, “I don’t care what that other person wants. I’m going to do what I enjoy.”

What sets D/s lifestyles apart is the degree to which one person follows. Mistress Delila and I have decided that we will be happiest when I can be my authentic submissive self and follow Her direction as near to all the time as is possible. I find this incredibly fulfilling. Because we are both able to do this from a place of authenticity, we have found that the relationship we have built is bigger than the individual parts of it.

I feel that I have to assure everyone that this is not an abusive relationship. I can consistently push Her needs to the top of my agenda because I know that She will not let my needs go unmet entirely. I will receive what I need from Her, and She enjoys my happiness enough to make sure I find plenty of pleasure in serving Her. This is not, “I have no needs because I exist only to serve Her.” This is, “I choose to ignore my needs in favor of Hers, because I know I am safe and loved and I will not be made to do without.”

I know there are plenty of guys out there who let the woman in their life watch the checkbook and bank balance. There are plenty of guys who let the woman in their life dress them. There are plenty of guys out there who are more comfortable with the woman in their life initiating sex than doing it on their own. There are plenty of guys who let the woman in their life dictate their diet, their exercise regimen, and pretty nearly every other facet of their life. You probably live on the same block as one. Here’s a hint – they’re the happy one (okay – not always).

The problem is that these men don’t think of what they are doing as being “submissive” because our culture tells us that submission is wrong and what they are doing simply can’t be wrong because it keeps them in a happy relationship. Well, it’s time to change that paradigm. It’s time that the myth of the submissive man became the reality of the submissive man. Men should not feel like they have to choose between being “a real man” and living their authentic sexual identity. I don’t think all men are natural submissive or that women are naturally superior – quite the opposite. But I do think that the healthy and natural submissiveness of the less-fairer sex should be just as welcomed and appreciated as any other aspect of masculinity.

I’m not a myth, and if my submissiveness threatens some pinhead’s sense of masculinity; then they need to get over it. Because I’m not giving up my happily-ever-after.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Submission and limits

I'm having trouble writing this because I want to make it intellectual enough that I'm not emotionally invested in it. The reason I want to do that is that I've had this discussion before and have been browbeaten with stupidity over it. Some of it is honest concern that simply gets overwrought, but some of it is just argumentative for no good reason. I can handle that when it's an intellectual and theoretical discussion (in fact, I enjoy it). But when it is about my life and the way I express my love for Mistress Delila...I don't always respond well to being told that it is wrong.

I believe that I am a decent and moral person. Because I am a decent and moral person, there are things that I simply could not do. I could not, for example, kill and eat a person (see also: Donner Party for a possible exception...if I got trapped in a time vortex). In BDSM terms, that's a "hard limit" for me (...and if it isn't a hard limit for you, stop reading and call your nearest psych-hotline). It's something I absolutely positively could not, would not do (I feel compelled to say, "Sam I am!").

Before Mistress and I formalized our relationship, we spent a lot of time comparing things that we needed in a BDSM relationship. We talked about what we fantasized about. We talked about things that kind of sound erotic but we aren't sure we want to do. We talked about things that we would be willing to do for someone else, but that really doesn't do much for us. And we talked about things we would never want to be associated killing and eating someone (actually, I don't know if we discussed that in particular, but we are in agreement on it).

Even after She put a collar on my neck and claimed me as Her pet, I didn't fully submit to Her. It took time and patience for Her to gain my full confidence. When She had proven to me that She could be trusted and I was not going to be hurt (in a non-yummy kind of way), when I was sure that our limits were in full alignment and fully compatible, I looked up at Her and said, "I surrender." And I did. Completely.

She has complete authority over every arena of my life. This is not to say that I have no voice in our relationship, though. She is very willing to suspend judgment and listen to my thoughts, my feelings, whatever arguments I may want to present. But then She makes the decision, and I abide by it.

When I have said this previously, there are generally three spurious arguments that come up. First, that I cannot actually surrender completely and still have limits. Second, that it is impossible to surrender completely because slavery is illegal. Third, because She cannot force me to stay in this relationship against my will, then it is only play.

Picture me releasing a heavy sigh.

For the third argument, let me just say that having power to end a relationship and walk away - which I will always have - is not the same as having any power within a relationship. Think of it as being analogous to being at work. You always have the option of walking out the door unemployed. Does that make you feel any more powerful? No, not really. Because it does give you any control over what happens between the time you clock in and the time you clock out. The same is true within my relationship with Mistress Delila - the fact that I can end it does not give me power within it.

Of course, slavery is illegal in the United States. It still exists, though. But the specter of legal slavery (which is enforced servitude without consent that denies full legal status to the servant) has as much place in a discussion of consensual power release (voluntary servitude with consent and retention of legal status) as rape and sexual battery has in a discussion of should serve as an outlier warning that anyone who equates the two is being psychotic. Generally speaking, if a person can't give some idea of how they are different; then they shouldn't be engaged in them.

Finally, I would argue that a person MUST have limits to surrender. Actually, I would argue that a person must have limits to be a person. Even people who were slaves under legal systems that allowed extreme injustice had limits beyond which they could not be pushed - so they escaped, led slave revolts, or died trying. It just isn't possible to have no limits. I am fortunate enough to have found a woman whose limits are exceptionally compatible with mine. Because that is true, I can submit without fear of being abused or injured.

To ask what would happen if She violated my limits is to ask what would happen if She suddenly became someone else. It is just on the inside limit of the possible...but it would be an indication of some sort of medical issue, like a brain tumor or an aneurysm. Because I happen to love Her, I would insist on medical review in such cases, and possibly a mental health checkup.

Within our relationship, She is in control. This is what She wants and what I want. It isn't theoretical, and it isn't playing. It is the way we love each other.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Learning about LIMITS

There have been many discussion on many boards about "Hard Limits." By Hard Limits, I mean things that you simply WILL NOT do, no matter what. For Me these things include but are not limited to children, animals, golden showers, feces, corpses, rape play... then there are some soft limits, meaning things that I just have no interest in: Blood play, brutality... blah blah blah.

We have been involved in many discussions with each other and with others in the kink community. Many of the latter end up along the lines of "how can one submit ENTIRELY, but have hard limits?" Some of these discussions have gotten "deep" and other downright ridiculous. (We'll discuss that in a minute.)

The bottom line, for Us is the fact that We SHARE hard limits. When looking for a partner in this lifestyle this is critical! We had many discussions in the beginning about such things. If you end up in a situation where there is a conflict on limits, then you are bound to have very big problems...

The "others" launched into the deeply "Philosophical" things as "But what IF her hard limits change, would you still obey her?" UUMM hello? What if My hard limits CHANGE?? You mean what if I suddenly want corpses and shit in bed with us??? ARE YOU NUTS?? If I did that, My love would immediately have Me checked for signs of a stroke!

Yes it is true, people change. Sometimes they change a lot. But I do not believe HARD LIMITS change. There will never never never be a point at which My hard limits will change. NEVER.

Sometimes Soft Limits DO change. At one point I did not have any interest in needle play. We talked about it, I had a dream about it, and decided to try it. It was interesting, but not likely to be a staple of My play... But hard limits do not change. Sometimes We, as curious sensual beings,try to push our soft limits for the thrill of it. With a former pet I had the opportunity to do whatever I wanted. He was into the brutality, truly gut wrenching stuff. I could have done anything. I went into the scene with the belief that I was going to try the brutal stuff, get down and nasty and see how it felt. The bottom line is that I am and will always be ME, first and foremost. I was not able to do the brutal stuff, and it made Me uncomfortable (as the Dominant) to have him hinting and gesturing, offering unwanted ideas... It was not Me, and while I had a decent time, I did not get the normal thrill. All I wanted was a shower, and to be back with My loving tomio. (for those that do not know, there was a time when I was a "poly"-- I had multiple pets, long distance and local.) The moral of this paragraph: for the people who say, "Well, if only you tried it, you might like it." I say, Bullshit. It's not Me and the thrill was simply not there.

My tomio has said he would do anything for Me. But the reason he is safe to say that, is that he knows My hard limits and knows I will never push against those limits. Again, this is not because I can't, but because I will never violate MY OWN HARD LIMITS. Its not difficult to understand, but it gets dirty and twisted when people get wrapped up in the WHAT IFs. In this case there are no what ifs. My tomio is safe with Me, because We share the same hard limits. We talk, communicate, share. Communication is KEY.

I have encountered many submissives who claim that they have no limits, they are open to anything. In My opinion, those people are either mentally ill, or truly not aware that some people are into some things that are truly immoral, illegal or very dangerous. You have to have hard limits, and you need to find a partner who shares those limits. Only then will you be truly safe to let go, release yourself and be entirely submissive.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

37,843,200 heartbeats...approximately

My heart rate averages around 72 beats per minute. Probably less when I'm sleeping, a little more when I'm exerting myself. In the last 365 days, at that rate, it has beaten somewhere around thirty-eight million times. That is significant to me, because it was a year ago that I first met Mistress Delila.

A heartbeat is a rather short measure of time. In the time it takes to read this, your heart will beat several times. In terms of our lifetime, a heartbeat is simply too short of a time to notice. Besides, what would happen in the space of a single heartbeat?

I fell in love. I don't know exactly which heartbeat it was. I can look back and see that I was not in love at one point. Then at another point, I was. I can't even remember what day it was. I don't know what I was wearing or where I was. I don't know if it was a gradual building up to a critical point, or if it just happened all at once. I just know that it happened. I'm thankful for that.

I guess it could be said that a life is like a book, and a passing year is just another chapter. The heartbeats are the words on the page. There were a lot of firsts spelled out in those heartbeats. First time I saw her. First time we touched. First kiss. The first time She buckled a collar on my throat. The first time I saw in Her eyes how badly I could hurt Her with my carelessness.

So many of those firsts were wonderful, joyous occasions. A few were downright painful. But each and every one of them is linked, heartbeat by heartbeat, from last year to this. Some of those heartbeats became memories, and some of them I've already shared. Some I probably never will. They are my treasure, and I will guard them jealously.

So the heartbeats continue, spelling out the words of our lives across time. This year promises its own challenges, its own rewards. There will be one extra day - 103,680 heartbeats or so - to love Her. Just for that, I know it will be a great year.

Happy Anniversary, Mistress Delila, my Darling Domme. I adore You.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year! A look the Beginning...

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY I was hung over, and unhappy. I was cruising some social websites, looking through random posts. I still can't explain how or even where I found it, but I found a very sweet post from tomio. He had posted about his loneliness, and the frustration of his life. He was in pain (not the fun kind) and I reached out to him. I don't know why I replied to it... It was just a simple reply, offering a bit of comfort, with no intentions, no agenda, no hidden meanings. Just a gentle hand, extended to a fellow suffering soul. His reply to Me was a simple "Thank you for your kindess, and wishing you the happiest of all new years." That reply started it all.... Happy Anniversary My love.

So several have asked how it started... and since I love to tell a story, I thought I would take a crack at this one! hehe

First, I was raised by a very opinionated and hard-headed mother. While she could, and still can, be a bit challenging, she is also extremely loving. So the hard and the soft have always been part of My life.

A few years back I had reached the point where I was pretending to be a happy person, but was really miserable. I was unfulfilled in My marriage, had gained weigh, stopped wearing makeup and let My curly hair grow just long enough to put it up in a no-fuss twist. My wardrobe was frumpy and I was ok with that. While I never hit a clinical depression, I was finding joy in doughnuts and cookies, rather than in life.

Instead of withering and dying, I decided to reconnect in social circles. Some online friends were getting together about an hour from Me, so I decided to go. It was fun, we danced and laughed and talked. Part way thru the evening, one of the men, a tall, rough-looking guy with long curly hair, leaned over and whispered in My ear. "You would look great with a collar on! Ever been spanked?" I laughed until I nearly fell out of My chair. I certainly would never have allowed anyone to spank Me, and was sure as hell not going to be someone's puppy! So the evening finished, and I went back to My boring life.

Online he, We'll call him "J", started sending Me bondage pics, challenging Me, and I fought back every step of the way. If he sent a pic of a female tied to the bed, I replied with a pic of a male tied to a bed... this went on for nearly 6 months. Now Mind you, I enjoyed the banter, but had never been even slightly kinky. I began talking to J on the phone, and chatting online, and playing online games with him, and he made a proposal. If I would be his submissive for a week, he would be My submissive for a week. I mulled it for a while, and agreed to try it for a week, Long distance only (he lives about 4hrs away).. by phone email and text, but I wanted to be Dominant first. We set a framework and I took control. It was AMAZING! I felt powerful, mighty and it just felt right! I made him cut off his ugly braided beard and I felt like queen of the world! LOL At one point he was directing from below (because he was experienced and I was not) and I stopped him. "I will do what I will do and you will stop giving Me instructions!" I punished him by making him paint his toenails pink and send Me a pic on the local newspaper! From there I was hooked! Then...then it was My turn to be submissive. (winces) I bought myself a collar (purple with stripes!) and started to do as I was told... sort of. When he chose My clothes, I put them on, took a pic, then put on whatever the hell I wanted, the same with the hairstyle. I told him that I could not send mid-day pics because it cost too much to send pics from My phone. I spent a lot of time the first day snarling quietly and rebelling in My own quiet ways. I found Myself getting angrier and angrier until the end of the second day. He barked an order at Me and I snapped. I told him that if he tried to talk to Me like that one more time that I was going to cut off his balls and feed them to him! I told him to go fuck himself and hung up on him.

An hour later I got a text asking if We could talk. At that point he admitted that some people are not made to be submissive, and he agreed that if I would finish a modified version of My week (way less of everything) that he would consider serving Me more permanently! My week ended up being more writing stories about being submissive, than actually BEING submissive. J served Me on and off for nearly 3 years. We did meet in person a couple times, had some great fun, but he kept needing to go back to his Dom side, and since I would not switch, things got ugly. In the mean time I took on another submissive (this really pissed off J) and tried to find Myself as a Dominant. During the experimental period, I did a lot of online, phone and cam "Domming"...more getting My feet wet (among other things! LOL) I had a some personal meetings, but nothing serious.

I had a few very bad experiences with in-person meetings (another topic for another time) and I took on a younger Sensual Dominant Male as a student. He became a treasured friend and confidant. (He is now living with his caitie(pet) and the two of them are very happy.)

I finally decided that I needed to find another serious pet. Things with J had gone from bad to worse, I was tired of his games, and though the Long Distance thing was sort of fun,I just needed MORE. I needed to get back into the flesh contact, feed-My-soul sort of relationship. My student, told Me about a few social networks. I was skeptical (yes, I know, shocking! LOL) but joined a few groups, chatted, posted, and made some friends. I also made contact with a few local submissives. MOST of them were jokes. Many of them were what I refer to as "new age submissives"-- they want to have a high level of control over the relationship and do not like the respect protocol that is mandatory in My life. Neither of these things work for Me, at all. I got annoyed and eventually just plain disgusted. I was ready to hang up My boots and go back to My dull vanilla life. Vanilla life was boring, but I did not want to rip off someone's arm and beat them with it! (sigh)

Then it happened. The door was opened. Over the next few weeks We emailed, chatted, talked on the phone. Both testing the waters, both being cautious, neither daring to be hopeful. But neither was able to deny the connection that was both enthralling and terrifying. We met on Jan 21st. I collared him with My dear friend MJ as a witness by webcam.

When I read it, now, it sounds like it all happened very fast. It did not feel that way at the time. We talked extensively, every single day, several times a day. We shared info, compared kinks, compared "hard limits" and discussed the nitty gritty of needs and expectations.

WOW it sounds so crazy... but the truth is that We would never have met in person if We had just let life happen. He lives 3 hours away, We moved in different circles, neither of Us had attended "BDSM events" and neither had plans to attend any.

So a year into it, We both finally feel like our true selves. We have grown together and are strong because if it. He is My property, and My love. Happy anniversary My sweetness!

My New Year's Resolution is to keep up with the blog! Happy New Year to the kinky and the curious! hehe!