For the love

For the love

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Orgasm control from the Top

Orgasm Control is an interesting topic, as is "leading from below..."

A bit of background on this one is needed. PM (Pre-Mistress)My sweetness had developed a bit of a porn habit. And one of the thing that can happen when one develops such a habit is that your body begins to really like what YOU do when you do it, and forgets how to like the other things it can experience. Basically your cock and your hand become rather close friends... (he is no longer allowed to watch any porn, or to touch himself unless I tell him to)

This was the case with My love. Along with intermittent ED issues (google it! LMAO)We found that it was somewhat difficult to get him to respond the way I wanted him to respond. Now I do need to say, because it is important that it is known. The ED issues DO NOT bother Me at all. If he can't, he can't and there are only about 10,000 other ways to enjoy him. But when he CAN, but he can't cum when I want him to, because of the cock-hand-friendship thing (grins)... THAT is a problem. So We decided that it was time to retrain him. If he did not react the way I wanted, and was not able to cum when I want, then he does not get to.

The challenge is that since We are not yet living together (circumstances currently beyond our control, but not forever!) that means there are times when he has to go for a while, and it also that takes away one of the fun things We used to be able to do by phone and webcam. We do get together about twice a month (its never enough) and We are working our way towards being together all the time. Those times are always wonderful, but it means there is a lot of time apart, which is never easy.

Our "private phone time" was never an easy thing, because he is the father of young children and We will NEVER slip and let them see or hear anything inappropriate, and the lack of privacy leaves us limited times. But We have always found ways around it. So then We get to the point where he is not allowed to cum without Me... well for someone who PM (see above, LOL) used to cum daily, its a sacrifice.

The fact that We are not together always means that My sweetness (he's such a good boy!) often looks for extra ways he can surrender to Me from afar. He was so excited about the concept of retraining that he was going on and on and on about it. Begging Me to make him wait, make him suffer, over and over again. I understand that this is a big sacrifice for him , and the fact that it is a big sacrifice makes him very excited. But it got to the point where it was just TOO much to listen to anymore. So I scolded him.

Now here is the thing. Being excited about activities or lack there of, is great, but the excitement and begging got to the point where it stopped feeling like begging and felt more like an attempt to guide the "plan." THIS is a big No No. Since Tomio and I have a power release relationship, he does not get to guide the plan in any way. I am gentle and loving but I absolutely will not tolerate leading from below, even when it is done accidentally. So in scolding him, I told him that I did not want to hear another word about, because IF I decided I wanted to hear him cum, I was going to and it did not matter if he was waiting or not.

This made him very quiet and later very apologetic. But he stopped yammering about it, which was good. Then We had some unexpected phone play time... it was My intention to just play and leave him hungry. But... was going so well and he was making the most lovely noises and the whim hit. I made him finish. Bad Mistress. HA! It is possible that a small part of it was done in spite of all the begging. It was not My intention. The bottom line remains that I am in charge. So it is what it is.

The best part is that his hunger was not gone for long! YAY! Now if only we can get thru til the next time. Sigh. I hate it when life is out of MY control.


  1. > Basically your cock and your hand become
    > rather close friends..

    This may be a bit off topic, and I don't remember the exact wording. It's from one of my favorite authors, Gore Vidal, who everyone loves to hate. I read it a long time ago, so it could be somewhat shaped by my own musings.

    What old Gore had to say was that men generally don't begin to have sex until their late teens at the earliest. But, during early and mid-teens their minds, and yes, their hands, are very active nonetheless.

    So, during the the period of their lives when their body needs sex the most, they (yes, we) live in a fantasy world shaped by porn and our own fantasies, neither of which are based in any reality.

    Your Tomio is lucky enough to have a strong Domme to retrain his desires in line with a very real reality.

    Pangloss1, Fetlife

  2. I know that this post is nearly 3 years old and I have no idea if this comment will every be read, but this is an excellent post. Mistress K. and I were talking the other night, as we celebrated V-Day, about what a blessing the FLM lifestyle is for us, our family, everything. We have been able to successfully (so far, knock on wood) navigate down the word to bliss in our FLM, so much so that we used our 15th wedding anniversary as an occasion to renew our vows, and for Mistress K to officially offer me her collar.

    As we were talking, my thought went right to what I thought was a necessary ingredient for success, and that was orgasm control. I fact, complete control of my sex was necessary. Like most submissive males I suppose, I am not allowed to even touch myself (unless it is for natural reasons, to keep it clean or to shave it) without Mistress' permission and while in her presence.

    I can tell you that even though it may sound like a horrible existence to the vanillas in the world .............. it is incredible. I haven't been more sexually satisfied at anytime in my life as I have been since not being allowed access or control of my own penis.