For the love

For the love

Monday, January 23, 2012

Learning about LIMITS

There have been many discussion on many boards about "Hard Limits." By Hard Limits, I mean things that you simply WILL NOT do, no matter what. For Me these things include but are not limited to children, animals, golden showers, feces, corpses, rape play... then there are some soft limits, meaning things that I just have no interest in: Blood play, brutality... blah blah blah.

We have been involved in many discussions with each other and with others in the kink community. Many of the latter end up along the lines of "how can one submit ENTIRELY, but have hard limits?" Some of these discussions have gotten "deep" and other downright ridiculous. (We'll discuss that in a minute.)

The bottom line, for Us is the fact that We SHARE hard limits. When looking for a partner in this lifestyle this is critical! We had many discussions in the beginning about such things. If you end up in a situation where there is a conflict on limits, then you are bound to have very big problems...

The "others" launched into the deeply "Philosophical" things as "But what IF her hard limits change, would you still obey her?" UUMM hello? What if My hard limits CHANGE?? You mean what if I suddenly want corpses and shit in bed with us??? ARE YOU NUTS?? If I did that, My love would immediately have Me checked for signs of a stroke!

Yes it is true, people change. Sometimes they change a lot. But I do not believe HARD LIMITS change. There will never never never be a point at which My hard limits will change. NEVER.

Sometimes Soft Limits DO change. At one point I did not have any interest in needle play. We talked about it, I had a dream about it, and decided to try it. It was interesting, but not likely to be a staple of My play... But hard limits do not change. Sometimes We, as curious sensual beings,try to push our soft limits for the thrill of it. With a former pet I had the opportunity to do whatever I wanted. He was into the brutality, truly gut wrenching stuff. I could have done anything. I went into the scene with the belief that I was going to try the brutal stuff, get down and nasty and see how it felt. The bottom line is that I am and will always be ME, first and foremost. I was not able to do the brutal stuff, and it made Me uncomfortable (as the Dominant) to have him hinting and gesturing, offering unwanted ideas... It was not Me, and while I had a decent time, I did not get the normal thrill. All I wanted was a shower, and to be back with My loving tomio. (for those that do not know, there was a time when I was a "poly"-- I had multiple pets, long distance and local.) The moral of this paragraph: for the people who say, "Well, if only you tried it, you might like it." I say, Bullshit. It's not Me and the thrill was simply not there.

My tomio has said he would do anything for Me. But the reason he is safe to say that, is that he knows My hard limits and knows I will never push against those limits. Again, this is not because I can't, but because I will never violate MY OWN HARD LIMITS. Its not difficult to understand, but it gets dirty and twisted when people get wrapped up in the WHAT IFs. In this case there are no what ifs. My tomio is safe with Me, because We share the same hard limits. We talk, communicate, share. Communication is KEY.

I have encountered many submissives who claim that they have no limits, they are open to anything. In My opinion, those people are either mentally ill, or truly not aware that some people are into some things that are truly immoral, illegal or very dangerous. You have to have hard limits, and you need to find a partner who shares those limits. Only then will you be truly safe to let go, release yourself and be entirely submissive.


  1. for new submissives, they say this because they dont know their limits. personally speaking, i knew i had some hard limits, but i also knew that there were so many things that i had no clue about that i wouldnt know if they were hard limits unless i tried them.

  2. In My Dominant opinion (hehe) I would prefer a new sub say "I do not know my limits" than to have them say they have none. I would never play with someone who says they have no limits... the idea of being open to exploring limits is very attractive. The idea of someone being so spineless as to be willing to do ANYTHING, illegal, immoral, just to please another is not appealing, but worrisome. The point We are trying to make is that communication is the key to a healthy, satisfying relationship.

  3. Another excellent post Mistress Delila!