ONE YEAR AGO TODAY I was hung over, and unhappy. I was cruising some social websites, looking through random posts. I still can't explain how or even where I found it, but I found a very sweet post from tomio. He had posted about his loneliness, and the frustration of his life. He was in pain (not the fun kind) and I reached out to him. I don't know why I replied to it... It was just a simple reply, offering a bit of comfort, with no intentions, no agenda, no hidden meanings. Just a gentle hand, extended to a fellow suffering soul. His reply to Me was a simple "Thank you for your kindess, and wishing you the happiest of all new years." That reply started it all.... Happy Anniversary My love.
So several have asked how it started... and since I love to tell a story, I thought I would take a crack at this one! hehe
First, I was raised by a very opinionated and hard-headed mother. While she could, and still can, be a bit challenging, she is also extremely loving. So the hard and the soft have always been part of My life.
A few years back I had reached the point where I was pretending to be a happy person, but was really miserable. I was unfulfilled in My marriage, had gained weigh, stopped wearing makeup and let My curly hair grow just long enough to put it up in a no-fuss twist. My wardrobe was frumpy and I was ok with that. While I never hit a clinical depression, I was finding joy in doughnuts and cookies, rather than in life.
Instead of withering and dying, I decided to reconnect in social circles. Some online friends were getting together about an hour from Me, so I decided to go. It was fun, we danced and laughed and talked. Part way thru the evening, one of the men, a tall, rough-looking guy with long curly hair, leaned over and whispered in My ear. "You would look great with a collar on! Ever been spanked?" I laughed until I nearly fell out of My chair. I certainly would never have allowed anyone to spank Me, and was sure as hell not going to be someone's puppy! So the evening finished, and I went back to My boring life.
Online he, We'll call him "J", started sending Me bondage pics, challenging Me, and I fought back every step of the way. If he sent a pic of a female tied to the bed, I replied with a pic of a male tied to a bed... this went on for nearly 6 months. Now Mind you, I enjoyed the banter, but had never been even slightly kinky. I began talking to J on the phone, and chatting online, and playing online games with him, and he made a proposal. If I would be his submissive for a week, he would be My submissive for a week. I mulled it for a while, and agreed to try it for a week, Long distance only (he lives about 4hrs away).. by phone email and text, but I wanted to be Dominant first. We set a framework and I took control. It was AMAZING! I felt powerful, mighty and it just felt right! I made him cut off his ugly braided beard and I felt like queen of the world! LOL At one point he was directing from below (because he was experienced and I was not) and I stopped him. "I will do what I will do and you will stop giving Me instructions!" I punished him by making him paint his toenails pink and send Me a pic on the local newspaper! From there I was hooked! Then...then it was My turn to be submissive. (winces) I bought myself a collar (purple with stripes!) and started to do as I was told... sort of. When he chose My clothes, I put them on, took a pic, then put on whatever the hell I wanted, the same with the hairstyle. I told him that I could not send mid-day pics because it cost too much to send pics from My phone. I spent a lot of time the first day snarling quietly and rebelling in My own quiet ways. I found Myself getting angrier and angrier until the end of the second day. He barked an order at Me and I snapped. I told him that if he tried to talk to Me like that one more time that I was going to cut off his balls and feed them to him! I told him to go fuck himself and hung up on him.
An hour later I got a text asking if We could talk. At that point he admitted that some people are not made to be submissive, and he agreed that if I would finish a modified version of My week (way less of everything) that he would consider serving Me more permanently! My week ended up being more writing stories about being submissive, than actually BEING submissive. J served Me on and off for nearly 3 years. We did meet in person a couple times, had some great fun, but he kept needing to go back to his Dom side, and since I would not switch, things got ugly. In the mean time I took on another submissive (this really pissed off J) and tried to find Myself as a Dominant. During the experimental period, I did a lot of online, phone and cam "Domming"...more getting My feet wet (among other things! LOL) I had a some personal meetings, but nothing serious.
I had a few very bad experiences with in-person meetings (another topic for another time) and I took on a younger Sensual Dominant Male as a student. He became a treasured friend and confidant. (He is now living with his caitie(pet) and the two of them are very happy.)
I finally decided that I needed to find another serious pet. Things with J had gone from bad to worse, I was tired of his games, and though the Long Distance thing was sort of fun,I just needed MORE. I needed to get back into the flesh contact, feed-My-soul sort of relationship. My student, told Me about a few social networks. I was skeptical (yes, I know, shocking! LOL) but joined a few groups, chatted, posted, and made some friends. I also made contact with a few local submissives. MOST of them were jokes. Many of them were what I refer to as "new age submissives"-- they want to have a high level of control over the relationship and do not like the respect protocol that is mandatory in My life. Neither of these things work for Me, at all. I got annoyed and eventually just plain disgusted. I was ready to hang up My boots and go back to My dull vanilla life. Vanilla life was boring, but I did not want to rip off someone's arm and beat them with it! (sigh)
Then it happened. The door was opened. Over the next few weeks We emailed, chatted, talked on the phone. Both testing the waters, both being cautious, neither daring to be hopeful. But neither was able to deny the connection that was both enthralling and terrifying. We met on Jan 21st. I collared him with My dear friend MJ as a witness by webcam.
When I read it, now, it sounds like it all happened very fast. It did not feel that way at the time. We talked extensively, every single day, several times a day. We shared info, compared kinks, compared "hard limits" and discussed the nitty gritty of needs and expectations.
WOW it sounds so crazy... but the truth is that We would never have met in person if We had just let life happen. He lives 3 hours away, We moved in different circles, neither of Us had attended "BDSM events" and neither had plans to attend any.
So a year into it, We both finally feel like our true selves. We have grown together and are strong because if it. He is My property, and My love. Happy anniversary My sweetness!
My New Year's Resolution is to keep up with the blog! Happy New Year to the kinky and the curious! hehe!