For the love

For the love

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Needs, romance and such

Hello All!

I have been remiss in keeping up with My posts. But there is a good reason for it...spring came early to New England, and I am a gardener. GASP! WHAT?? You read it right. I actually have other interests in life than the D/s world! (opens the door for those who are trying to flee the bursting fantasy bubble.) Before you all panic, I am NOT going to turn this into a garden blog. Dominance and the garden do not mix other than in a few fantasy stories I have written...

So, its raining, and I am blogging!

The topic yet to be finished is Romance and Domination. GASP (again?) Can they co-exist?? No? But but but...OF COURSE they can! Don't be silly.

Of course there is plenty of kink in a Sensual Dominant relationship, don't worry yourself about that. However there are things that lack kink and are just about the loving side. Romance is just part of it.

"Mistress, I am sorry I was not able to make this a romantic weekend like you had hoped for..." When the words came out of his mouth, I felt like I was in the twilight zone.

"What do you mean, My sweetness?" I asked... figuring I had not heard him right.

 "I mean I don't know how to be romantic and still be submissive..." Eyebrows knit. Blink. Blink.
 "What are you talking about?" (looks for hidden cameras) When I realized he was serious, I was baffled. I had felt very loved and had enjoyed the feeling of romance all weekend. When I arrived, he rushed out to greet Me and because he was standing by the car door, I had to roll down the window. As soon as I hit the button, he was leaning in the window, professing his love and kissing Me. Yes it is true that My sweetness (tomio) frequently tries to fling himself through My car window when I arrive. It's become part of the ritual to remind him to wait until the car comes to a complete stop, and keep his hands and arms out of the vehicle until it is safe to do otherwise. I truly love that he is so happy to see Me when I arrive. The next step is the smothering kisses that are plastered all over any exposed part part of My body, hands, arms, neck, face, head... KISSING??? In Domination? are you crazy? Yes, yes We are, crazy about each other.

His love for Me is truly romantic.  Not because I demand it, but because it is given so willingly.  When he kneels with lotion in hand and rubs My sore feet, its like a gift from heaven.  Again, I don't ASK for him to rub My feet, he does,because I mentioned at some point that My feet hurt and he works to relieve My discomfort.  The thing I had to explain to him is this:  If I had said "rub My feet." and he does, it is not romantic, its service. But when he hears Me say My feet hurt, the night before, or somewhere in the chat on the ride to meet, and THEN he decides to rub My feet, it is a loving gesture and is romantic.

His fear is that he was leading, because he was not asked to do so.  I had to laugh, because My personality does not really allow for leading... it just does not happen.   Taking the initiative to rub My sore feet with the unscented lotion he bought just for Me is not leading, especially when I am flopped onto the bed, resting from the long ride.  Its more a matter of attending to unspoken needs, and that is a wonderful gift!

One of the last times that we were together, I was physically and emotionally drained and STARVING. I told him somewhat jokingly that what I needed was cuddling, kissing and quiet. At first he was not sure what to make of it. You need to understand that My sweetness is always waiting for instructions, because he wants to please Me. At first he was unsure of how to proceed. He shuffled his feet a bit then We got his collar on, he relaxed. We ate the take-out food that I had brought with Me, and then We crashed. Ok to be clear...I crashed and he caught Me. I laid My head on his chest, My skin against his and I just soaked in the quiet, calm, loving space that We had created. We did not talk at first, and We did not play. We cuddled and snuggled and just soaked each other in. It was perfect, because it was what I needed, and after he let the expectation go, it turns out it was what he needed as well. When I say expectation, I am referring to the pile of needs that build up between our visits. I often spend the first part of our visit contemplating need, Mine and his.

The truth of our relationship is that Mistress (ME!) gets what she wants first. He gets is pleasure from My pleasure. This needs to be clarified however. It is NOT that his needs are not met, because they are never forgotten and never left unfulfilled. However, My needs are first and feeding My needs usually feeds his needs as well.

At some point in our heavy cuddling weekend, I had an attack of guilt. Was he getting his needs met? Was there enough of the other stuff to feed him as well? I looked down at his face. He was the picture of contentment. There were no furrows in his brow. His face was peaceful, his closed eyes had those happy crinkles in the corners and the corners of his mouth were were turned up in a natural, unforced, unpracticed grin. He actually looked almost smug.

"Are you happy My love?" I asked with a soft, sultry voice. It took a moment for his eyes to focus under their heavy lids. "Divinely happy my love." Then he cuddled Me in closer and we dozed for a bit.

While I slept I contemplated it all. Could Mistress still call herself a Mistress when the only service she requested was snuggling and cuddling? PPFFFFFFFT! Um Duh! Yes yes she could, because it was about meeting of needs, and that is the basis of all human interactions. Needs must be met for people to be happy.

One of the things that I am constantly aware of in the realm of the needs of My sweetness is something We call his "touch batteries." He has a strong need for contact, skin to skin, and without enough touch, he is not happy. Part of the after-care that he requires (not because he demands it, but because I can see and feel when he needs) is gentle touch. Even the rough, tough and slightly ouchie parts of our relationship are always followed by loving touch. It's all ok when followed by gentle touch. When we have experimented with some of the harder things, needle play for example, there is always a lot of checking in, loving strokes, gentle words and soft kisses. That balance, and My constant control keeps everything on an even keel and makes Us both blissfully happy.

Just so you folks with hard-core, porn-Domme fantasies are not totally disappointed...there was a LARGE helping of all the good dirty stuff too! Needs come in all different Me (grins wickedly) it was ALL GOOD! LMAO


  1. What a lovely post. I think you have both come to an excellent accord. It's lovely to see.

  2. Dommes aren't allowed to garden and kiss... you're breaking all of the rules! We're going to have to ask for your Domme card back please. *laugh*

    Glad to see your presentation of yourself as lots of the things you are--a gardener, kisser, lover, friend, and Mistress--all in all, a real human. It's nice to see people breaking the porn stereotypes in loving relationships.

  3. This post makes me smile. Sometimes I just want my boy to hold me, it's as much part of our relationship as pinning him down and hurting him.

    When you start from a loving basis the porn-Domme fantasies are more fun in contrast too!

    Faile x