For the love

For the love

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A submissive state of being

"What if all I want to do is lay in bed and cuddle?"

I shrugged, even though I knew Mistress couldn't see it on the phone. The truth is, it wouldn't matter to me if that was all She wanted. I have told Her repeatedly that I would drive any distance just to sit and hold Her hand. Cuddle? Oh, yeah, baby...it's happening!

Of course, Mistress was only joking. At least, until She arrived at our hotel exhausted and worn from a rough week of work. We kissed, unpacked, put my collar on, and ate the take-out she'd brought with Her. She told me that I didn't have to sit on the floor, but I did anyway, because I could lean my cheek against Her leg and gaze up at Her. Touching Her always draws me back to center. I need a lot of it.

Often Mistress will shake off Her fatigue and get to the fun stuff. Seeing me invigorates Her as much as it feeds me. But this time She just stretched out on the bed and I curled myself around Her in several different ways until we found one that was just right.

It took me a while to realize that this...THIS was what She was expecting of me. She needed me to hold Her just as much as I needed Her touch. Once I realized that I was giving Her what She needed, I was able to relax and enjoy the wonderful closeness of our bodies. In the end, I was fed as much as She was, with nothing happening other than simply lying in each other's arms.

I think I should stress that I was not content to lay and hold Her. Content would indicate that it was "good enough." I was joyous to hold Her for as long as She would allow it. It wasn't just good enough; it was exactly what I needed, at a level so deep that I wasn't even aware of its existence.

This was different than most forms of Dominance. Mistress did not direct me, "Cuddle me and do no more." She simply pulled me down on the bed with Her. It was leading by refusing to lead. By withholding directions, She allowed me to find a quiet and needful space within myself that would not have been uncovered if I had been busy being obedient.

There is a tendency, I think, to equate Dominance and submission with specific actions. Swinging a crop balances holding still for its sting. Giving pleasure balances the acceptance/demand for that pleasure. Dress this way. Do this thing. Do it, do it, do it.

But in this moment, Her Dominance was simply the expectation that I would find Her will and bend myself to it. I struggled temporarily with the lack of direction, but eventually gave up even the expectant waiting for direction. Her Dominance exerted itself through Her simple presence, and my submission just...was. It wasn't doing. It wasn't waiting. It was just there, with Her, at Her side.

2 comments:

  1. I love seeing both of your perspectives here, and also, seeing how they match up so well. :)

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  2. Thanks - I love writing with Mistress...it's a wonderful experience.

    ReplyDelete