As My beloved tomio said, the topic of past abuse does come up in chats about "the Lifestyle."
Just to be perfectly clear. I was never abused. Never. I got a few spankings as a child, but that is it. I grew up in a happy, healthy home. I am a child of divorce, but it was a healthy, sane divorce without all the fighting and drama.
So how does a woman from a happy, mostly normal (what IS normal, really?) family grow up to be a Domme? Well... I am not sure I can tell you that! LOL I was raised by a VERY strong willed mother. She is the kind of woman who has lost friends over differing opinions, but never falters. She is also a survivor of abuse. I grew up very aware of her past, and her issues and I truly believe that is why she is so loving. I never spent a day feeling unloved, love was a constant.
Growing up with that knowledge, I found Myself becoming a very protective person. May the heavens help you if you go after someone that I love... fury is not even close. And as a protector, I learned to become a control freak, of sorts, and moved out early, because living under rules I did not create was very difficult to Me. Again, lets be clear: I was not a bad kid, at all. I never did drugs, never drank, never stayed out late, did not have a string of boyfriends. My "problems" as it were... were being mouthy, and being stubborn.
If I look back at My unhappy relationships, I find that I was technically submissive in them. Never entirely, and certainly never sexually, but I deferred judgement to the various "hims", in hopes of being taken care of. Yeah that worked out..umm not at all. LOL
I did not embrace My dominant side until I was almost 40. It seems that I was just willing to be considered a bitch. LMAO! Any strong-willed woman in our society is a bitch, apparently. Unlike My beloved tomio, I am not going to launch into a detailed analysis of women throughout the ages. Its not My style. All I am going to tell you is that I am much happier NOW, having embraced My female power, than I have ever been.
However, I AM aware of the abuse in tomio's past, and because of that, I remind him frequently that he is loved and cherished. We do not practice humiliation play, and I never play head games with him. Instead he has surrendered control to Me. I am constantly aware of his needs, though My needs are always a priority. He has learned that his needs never go unmet.
That said, he still went through a phase of having brutal dreams of Me, and brutal fantasies about what he thought he wanted... it was not what he wanted, not at all. But that leads us to the next topic.... fantasies.