(I truly love the way he writes and thinks! SIGH)
That post makes Me think of all of the really horrible encounters with submissive men...and makes Me realize how lucky I am to have found My tomio.
I did not set out to be part of this lifestyle. I found it by accident thanks to a Dominant man who offered something I had never considered. I was shocked and horrified by it, honestly. I did not understand it.. but I was intrigued. I was living a life of frustration... unfulfilled, wanting something, and not knowing what I wanted. So I stumbled and fumbled and discovered a lot about Myself and My needs and My hungers. I found that unlike the the hopes of My first toy, I was not submissive. I was also not a switch, I tried to be, and it was... not pretty. It honestly made Me quite ugly.
So imagine Me, previously a good girl, suddenly realizing why I was so unfulfilled. I was only a good girl in public... behind closed doors I was... well I was something else. Not only that, but it was a BIG something else... something viewed as wrong by some, wicked by others... Where does one take that sort of energy? And what is the point of having that energy if you cannot share it?
So I did the unthinkable. While continuing to play on and off with this Dom, who was willing to be My sub for short periods of time (it was a disaster of a relationship, but we will talk more about that at another time) I went in search of a submissive.
Yeah, um... not a fun trip. I encountered the old men, the very young men, the sissies, the girls who wanted to be boys, the men who wanted to be submissive but still be in charge and the men who thought they might be submissive but weren't sure. I feel like I hit the mother load of bullshit. I know that sounds awful to say, but I was hitting wall after wall after wall. What kind of fucked up maze did I get myself into and where the fuck is the door??
I agree entirely with tomio on his take on the fantasy verses reality. Men seem to get into this loop of liking an image and creating a fantasy around it. Then they try to recreate the fantasy with a person, but HEY news flash, real life and fantasy are rarely something that can run congruently!
The first thing they forget is that the person on the other end is, in fact, HUMAN. This means they have needs, wants, desires and GASP (you can't be serious) they have FEELINGS! (Low groan from the fantasy realm.) Which means they can get hurt, angry and other such truly un-fantastic things.
I have had great interactions that go south in a big fat hurry: There have been old men who want to move in with Me to live out their golden years (umm wow. No.) The 20-somethings vow to serve Me without ever meeting Me, then immediately want to see a picture, which I don't send and they get mad and say stupid things like "I bet you are just a big fat sow anyways!" (Yeah, perhaps if you pulled my ponytail it will get my attention.) Or they are great and brave until you actually reply then they freak out and panic and disappear. Even better is when I mention that real life is not like fantasy then their heads explode and they run away to cry because I was mean... SIGH.
I used to view My inbox with great excitement! Yay, someone reaching out, a chance, an opportunity, oh the joy of the potential...Oh it's a cock. Its a picture of an average looking cock and a note saying I should give him a try because he is everything I have ever dreamed of... or better yet, a video of some headless man with a furry body...stroking. (heavy sigh. DELETE)
I was fed up, sick of it and just plain frustrated. I was ready to give up, hang up My boots and be done with it. Then I bumped into tomio and reacted to him with human kindness and compassion. We talked a lot online, then on the phone, then in person... it grew into something that neither of us could have imagined. It is amazing, truly. Our relationship is the most fulfilling one I have ever had in My life, and I am grateful for the way he loves Me! He never sent Me a picture of his dick... at least not until I told him to! (grins wickedly)
Here is the thing... I would never have connected with the man of My dreams if he led with his cock! He led with his brain, and heart and he left his cock firmly tucked into his boxer briefs, inside of zipped pants, with a book on his lap.
Some of us want to know the person, not just the cock. I know, I know, its a radical thought, but opening the door with a cock is just not... ok its not sanitary (LMAO!) but it's also not how I view men. They are not a cock with a personality. They are personalities that if they are very lucky and the chemistry is right, I may get to know the cock later... maybe. I know there are people who view BDSM as a sexual thing, just a dirty way to get your rocks off. I have to say that I have had several D/s relationships that did NOT involve sexual intercourse. This is one of the few places where tomio and I disagree... I do not consider strap-on play to be sexual intercourse. He does. To Me it is an act of submission, a show of My Dominance... That being said, My relationship with tomio has taken it to another level entirely and now it is a sexual experience with him... especially if I keep him on his back! Words cannot describe that feeling.
Okay, so back to the interaction thing... as a Sensual Dominant I have formed connections with pets or potential pets that have cause heart ache, sadness and tears on My part. I am human, I have feelings, and those feelings get hurt...
I recently was having a great online conversation with a twenty-something man. We were bouncing ideas and thoughts off each other, discussing issues, getting right into the nitty-gritty and I was really enjoying it. The first time he went a while without a reply I did a WTF, and he said he was just busy. Then he just stops replying entirely. Stops. One week, two...a month later still no word, and no reply to "hey, are you dead?" posts. (I could see that he had been on the site numerous times.) So I lost My temper and told him off. Really, what kind of person just stops a conversation in the middle and never comes back? Its not a Dominant thing, its about respect for another human! That is a bullshit way to handle interactions, I am sorry but that is just bullshit. He seems to have gotten THAT message, since he blocked Me...
The bottom line of all of this ranting is that people need to understand that there is another human on the other end and respect and decency are not out of the question, even when you are dealing with something as wild as BDSM. It's not hard to be good to one another. It's not difficult to be real and decent and respectful to other people. After all, these are the people that you could end up in an intimate relationship with, if you are very lucky.
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