Mistress has been very patient in my reluctance to write this post. My reluctance doesn't stem from either shyness or from lack of material. It's just that I love what She wrote so much that I feel like anything I offer would detract from it.
Here I go anyway...in a round about fashion.
I have an acquaintance that is a professional comedian. He is a great person to bounce jokes off of because he has a professional laugh that he is willing to give to almost any level of comedy. But if he knows a person well enough, he will tuck that away and give you his comedian face. It is completely blank and even his eyes shutter as he automatically moves to considering the intellectual angles that compete with the earthly shades of humor. In this mode, you know that you are onto something when he takes a drink and says, "Yeah, that has legs. Let it run." If you can make him actually chuckle - even a little - then you have a gem.
When laughter is the coin of the realm, then even a chuckle is expensive.
Laughter is a coin that Mistress and I spend back and forth endlessly. We are both quick witted and our conversations often contain wry observations and puns that, I know from experience, leave some people exasperated and confused. One of the things I love about Her is that She is so nimble mentally, and we rarely race ahead of each other by much. So I could give dozens of examples of things that made either of us laugh, but that really doesn't do justice to the joy we bring to each other.
Like love, the best parts of laughter are those that grow and build on each other. Like building a parfait (Who doesn't like parfait?), each layer balances on the next. Each layer can be savored in its own right, but it is when one cuts down through it and gets the whole experience that one can truly understand what they have in their hands. Or mouth. Or spread over their genitals... (and I'm not saying that has happened...or that it hasn't happened...)
At some point, we were discussing all of the slang that is connected to naming a pussy. Bearded clam. Snatch. Va-jay-jay. Cookie. We agreed that none of them actually made it sound like something a guy would like to get face-to-face with on an intimate basis. The closest we could come was the word "pussy" - which became "cat" - which became "kitty" - which somehow morphed into "Purr." We agreed that this was an acceptable term because, among other things, I can make Her purr (just give me half an hour and a semi-comfortable flat surface...).
Since Purr is dominant, we gave Her a title - Ms. Purr. However, I felt it necessary to give Her a last name, because, after all, it isn't just any purr that I'm talking about. It is Ms. Purr MaGucchi. Then, of course, She needed a proper title. "International Vag of Mystery."
I have to explain that the title came to me as I considered Purr MaGucchi to be an excellent super-spy - better than James Bond at getting the men to talk. That led directly to Her theme song:
She's the vag who never runs from danger
With dagger and cloak she's always a perfect stranger
Where others fear to tread, she's never filled with dread
Odds are she will leave you sad tomorrow
Purr MaGucchi's here! Purr MaGucchi's here!
You know that you're in danger
When Purr MaGucchi knows your name!
Laugh all you want, but how many of you have genitals with their own theme song? Yeah, I thought so.
This would be funny if left alone, but I can never leave things well enough alone. So I decided that my genitals ALSO needed a name. After all, Purr MaGucchi needs an arch enemy...
Pierre Baguette was born! Well, he got his name, anyway. This also led to the often-dropped catch phrase, "Well, Pierre is a dick!"
Pierre, however, does not have a theme song. Yet. He is pushing for something strong and dramatic, but will probably end up with something silly.
As it turns out, Pierre is not a good arch enemy. Because, well, he's a dick. Dickishness is not really a crime. So it was decided that he is the side-kick/love-interest for Purr MaGucchi. She might return his affection if it weren't for his constant companions, the Numnutz twins - Lefty and More-Lefty. (I just made that up.) Right now, She is enamored with Slurpy Licking. (That, too.)
The birth of a villain is always shrouded in tragedy, and this story is no different. One of the things I love to do for Mistress is to shave Her legs. So, recently, I was doing that and Mistress decided that it was time to go do something else. The intent was that I was finish the job later that day. Sadly, it didn't happen that way.
So as we lie together, grieving for Her one unshaven leg - Juan-Harry L'egg was born! From the hard-scrabble stubble of neglect, he has declared that Purr MaGoochy will never know another night of peace!
Yes, he has a theme song:
Aye yai yai-yai
Juan-Harry L'egg
You cannnot shave me away!
I'll be back tomorrow anyway!
Yes, in the middle of all the ki-fu*, there is still plenty of time to love and cuddle, and yes - to laugh. God help us if the laughter ever stops.
*kinky fuckery
For the love
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
On the lighter side of the Darkness
Its a New Year! Welcome 2014! Okay, I know that its MARCH...but with work and life and snow up to My ass... writing has not been on My mind. Trying not to freeze when the polar vortex or whatever shit they are blame for the cold has been My main focus. The holidays are long since done and finally, life can get back to normal-ish. Everything is normal-ish... since we are technically still living outside the norm. But we have our own norm and that is a good place to be.
Last year we had some rough times, but things are actually quite good between Us and that is a very good feeling. I know some of you suspected that we had blown apart. Not likely. We are good, things are good and that's that. So says Me, and I am the boss! HEHEHE
The stereo-type of BDSM is dark and serious... its often hateful and angry and negative. Some people like that, and some need it. As we have said over and over... if that is your thing, enjoy it. Its just not OUR thing. We like cozy, cuddly, slightly wicked...ok sometimes very wicked...and we like to laugh. WHAT? Laugh? GASP! No worries, they are not coming to take away our BDSM union card.
Last year we had some rough times, but things are actually quite good between Us and that is a very good feeling. I know some of you suspected that we had blown apart. Not likely. We are good, things are good and that's that. So says Me, and I am the boss! HEHEHE
The stereo-type of BDSM is dark and serious... its often hateful and angry and negative. Some people like that, and some need it. As we have said over and over... if that is your thing, enjoy it. Its just not OUR thing. We like cozy, cuddly, slightly wicked...ok sometimes very wicked...and we like to laugh. WHAT? Laugh? GASP! No worries, they are not coming to take away our BDSM union card.
I have been aching to write about some of the really funny parts of this lifestyle of ours. I have always been clear on the fact that we laugh a lot, but often those laughs are private moments. Being the ME that I am, means that I am selfish with some things... those private and priceless moments get locked into a vault, not to be shared... Honestly, sometimes that does not make sense... LOL So I want to share some of those moments, the ones that make Me laugh so hard that I cannot even stand up.
You all know that tomio and I live apart. This means that we spend our together times in hotels. Some day we will just pick one and keep going there, but in the 3 years we have been to all sorts of places. There was the crappy motel that with the driveway so steep we almost needed a sherpa to get to it. The most exciting part of that one was the huge hornet nest right near the parking area that made the trips to the car...exciting and fast! Unlock the car with the remote...and 3, 2 1 RUN!!! LOL We have been lucky because so far we have not been to any really bad places and a few have been quite lovely. We found one that we REALLY like that has a kitchenette in it, so he can cook bacon in the nude for Me. (evil grin) I love bacon, but a naked man cooking bacon is just about the best thing that a Domme could ask for! LOL Sadly they remodeled that one and now the price is out of our range.
Because we don't always have a kitchenette, and money is tight, and getting tighter, we usually bring food to heat up and share. I happen to be a very good cook and he is an amazing baker. So I made meatballs and he made sandwich rolls. One of the funniest moments ever started as Me going into the bathroom and him asking if I would like for him to make a meatball sub for Me. Of course, who does not want a meatball sub? So after washing my hands I step out of the bathroom and for a moment, My brain could not comprehend what I was seeing. Laying on his back on the bed, spread eagle, is My naked tomio with (wait for it!) a sandwich roll encasing his balls!! I am not sure if he was trying to be the meatball, or the sub, but I do know that I literally nearly fell over laughing! By the time I staggered over to the bed, I was laughing so hard that I could barely breathe and I had tears rolling down My cheeks! Oh Yeah, we know how to rock the serious shit! LOLOLOL
Since we are on the topic of food... tomio is a whore for My pink girl cock, but also for Nutter Butters. So one time, as a surprise when he was in the bathroom, I made a trail of mini peanut buttery cookies, from the doorway up the bed and to Me... as I lay looking yummy he came into the room and his face lit up like I had not seen before. He was very happy for that treat, but I can't help but wonder if it was Me... or the cookies!
Very early in our relationship, probably for our first Valentines Day, tomio got to the room early and decked the place out. He got Lilies (My favorite flower) and put them in a vase, had chocolates laid out and scatter a trail from the door to the bed and all over the bed with fresh rose petals. It was SO sweet, and so romantic. The thing that they DON'T show in the movies is that rose petals get ground into everything! They stain the sheets, stain your skin, stain tomio's heels and get stuck in all sorts of places. At one point I burst into hysterics, when I noticed rose petals in the crack of his ass! The moral of this tale is that movies are full of impossible shit, and rose petals need to go into the trash. Trust Me on that one! LOL
Did we ever mention the drooling? So we were getting down and dirty (waggles eyebrows) and My darling tomio... well he was really getting into it, shall we say... and suddenly, yup, you guessed it he drooled on Me! Down My chin, onto My neck... Oh god he was so horrified! I chuckled and wiped it off... and the apologies started. That made Me laugh even harder. What's a little drool between lovers? I mean
if he is so wrapped up that he drools... I take that as a compliment!
Sometimes people that chat about the kink, are just plain full of crap. This one guy in a chat group claimed that his Mistress made him paint her toenails with the brush held between his teeth and punished him if he made mistakes. I immediately laughed and said that was complete bullshit. My dear tomio had to try it out! I ended up with nail polish all over My toes, tomio had a headache from the stink of the nail polish held so close to his nose. Its simple physics! The brush from a bottle of nail polish is so short that unless you are some sort of mutant, there is no way in hell you would be able to even SEE where the tip of the brush was, never mind move it in the right way to actually do anything other than make a huge mess! It was like the kinky version of that show where they bust myths. Epic fail!
Across from one of the hotels that we like is a dinky little Lebanese restaurant that makes some of the best food ever. One night when we had a little extra money we went and got take-out. We decided to split an assortment plate to try a bunch of different things. Imagine, if you will, small chunks of chicken and beef with a garlic yogurt sauce that tastes like the kiss of an angel, rice that looks like plain white rice but tastes like heaven.... you get the idea ...amazingly yummy. So we were sitting there tasting these lovely things, enjoying them immensely and tomio got quiet. I was looked up to find him lost in the food, shoving the bits into his mouth, eyes glassy, soft appreciative noises escaping his lips. So I stop to watch him... he was oblivious to My attention until I cleared My throat. "Ummm, any chance you are going to actually share that with your Mistress?" He blinked, confused and looked down. The take-out container was nearly empty, his cheeks were full and he blushed. "I am sorry, Mistress...its just SO GOOD!" I could not disagree with him, but I did have to take his fork away so that I could actually get some of it. (grins)
One of the lovely treats that tomio has made for Me is a chocolate, coconut, peanut butter, oatmeal concoction that may not even have a name... other than "that awesome chocolate thing." When he makes it, we usually eat a very good sized container over the course of the weekend. Its one of those things that you just can't resist another nibble, just because you walked by the container. Well we had not realized how many times those nibbles happened on the way back to bed, until Sunday morning, when we realized that there were small chocolate smudges, as in 8 or 10 spots all over the white hotel sheet! Ooops!
So, as you can see, there is joy and laughter mixed in with our dirty, sexy, wicked, kinky kind of love! There as to be laughter because there is love. It's a magical sort of kink... and it just makes Me so happy!
You all know that tomio and I live apart. This means that we spend our together times in hotels. Some day we will just pick one and keep going there, but in the 3 years we have been to all sorts of places. There was the crappy motel that with the driveway so steep we almost needed a sherpa to get to it. The most exciting part of that one was the huge hornet nest right near the parking area that made the trips to the car...exciting and fast! Unlock the car with the remote...and 3, 2 1 RUN!!! LOL We have been lucky because so far we have not been to any really bad places and a few have been quite lovely. We found one that we REALLY like that has a kitchenette in it, so he can cook bacon in the nude for Me. (evil grin) I love bacon, but a naked man cooking bacon is just about the best thing that a Domme could ask for! LOL Sadly they remodeled that one and now the price is out of our range.
Because we don't always have a kitchenette, and money is tight, and getting tighter, we usually bring food to heat up and share. I happen to be a very good cook and he is an amazing baker. So I made meatballs and he made sandwich rolls. One of the funniest moments ever started as Me going into the bathroom and him asking if I would like for him to make a meatball sub for Me. Of course, who does not want a meatball sub? So after washing my hands I step out of the bathroom and for a moment, My brain could not comprehend what I was seeing. Laying on his back on the bed, spread eagle, is My naked tomio with (wait for it!) a sandwich roll encasing his balls!! I am not sure if he was trying to be the meatball, or the sub, but I do know that I literally nearly fell over laughing! By the time I staggered over to the bed, I was laughing so hard that I could barely breathe and I had tears rolling down My cheeks! Oh Yeah, we know how to rock the serious shit! LOLOLOL
Since we are on the topic of food... tomio is a whore for My pink girl cock, but also for Nutter Butters. So one time, as a surprise when he was in the bathroom, I made a trail of mini peanut buttery cookies, from the doorway up the bed and to Me... as I lay looking yummy he came into the room and his face lit up like I had not seen before. He was very happy for that treat, but I can't help but wonder if it was Me... or the cookies!
Very early in our relationship, probably for our first Valentines Day, tomio got to the room early and decked the place out. He got Lilies (My favorite flower) and put them in a vase, had chocolates laid out and scatter a trail from the door to the bed and all over the bed with fresh rose petals. It was SO sweet, and so romantic. The thing that they DON'T show in the movies is that rose petals get ground into everything! They stain the sheets, stain your skin, stain tomio's heels and get stuck in all sorts of places. At one point I burst into hysterics, when I noticed rose petals in the crack of his ass! The moral of this tale is that movies are full of impossible shit, and rose petals need to go into the trash. Trust Me on that one! LOL
Did we ever mention the drooling? So we were getting down and dirty (waggles eyebrows) and My darling tomio... well he was really getting into it, shall we say... and suddenly, yup, you guessed it he drooled on Me! Down My chin, onto My neck... Oh god he was so horrified! I chuckled and wiped it off... and the apologies started. That made Me laugh even harder. What's a little drool between lovers? I mean
if he is so wrapped up that he drools... I take that as a compliment!
Sometimes people that chat about the kink, are just plain full of crap. This one guy in a chat group claimed that his Mistress made him paint her toenails with the brush held between his teeth and punished him if he made mistakes. I immediately laughed and said that was complete bullshit. My dear tomio had to try it out! I ended up with nail polish all over My toes, tomio had a headache from the stink of the nail polish held so close to his nose. Its simple physics! The brush from a bottle of nail polish is so short that unless you are some sort of mutant, there is no way in hell you would be able to even SEE where the tip of the brush was, never mind move it in the right way to actually do anything other than make a huge mess! It was like the kinky version of that show where they bust myths. Epic fail!
Across from one of the hotels that we like is a dinky little Lebanese restaurant that makes some of the best food ever. One night when we had a little extra money we went and got take-out. We decided to split an assortment plate to try a bunch of different things. Imagine, if you will, small chunks of chicken and beef with a garlic yogurt sauce that tastes like the kiss of an angel, rice that looks like plain white rice but tastes like heaven.... you get the idea ...amazingly yummy. So we were sitting there tasting these lovely things, enjoying them immensely and tomio got quiet. I was looked up to find him lost in the food, shoving the bits into his mouth, eyes glassy, soft appreciative noises escaping his lips. So I stop to watch him... he was oblivious to My attention until I cleared My throat. "Ummm, any chance you are going to actually share that with your Mistress?" He blinked, confused and looked down. The take-out container was nearly empty, his cheeks were full and he blushed. "I am sorry, Mistress...its just SO GOOD!" I could not disagree with him, but I did have to take his fork away so that I could actually get some of it. (grins)
One of the lovely treats that tomio has made for Me is a chocolate, coconut, peanut butter, oatmeal concoction that may not even have a name... other than "that awesome chocolate thing." When he makes it, we usually eat a very good sized container over the course of the weekend. Its one of those things that you just can't resist another nibble, just because you walked by the container. Well we had not realized how many times those nibbles happened on the way back to bed, until Sunday morning, when we realized that there were small chocolate smudges, as in 8 or 10 spots all over the white hotel sheet! Ooops!
So, as you can see, there is joy and laughter mixed in with our dirty, sexy, wicked, kinky kind of love! There as to be laughter because there is love. It's a magical sort of kink... and it just makes Me so happy!
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