For the love

For the love

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

What IS Sensual Domination

This is a big question in MY world. People know about "Domination" from bad movies, bad porn and bad cartoon characters (catwoman comes to mind.) But what is this "branch" of the BDSM tree that is lacking in brutality?

Some of the "old guard" or "leather guard" would say it is bullshit and fluff. LMAO I stopped caring what those folks said...well...the first time one of them opened their mouth to Me. I do still identify as being a Dominant. I just don't feel the need to beat the crap out of people that I care about.

First, lets talk about what it IS. It is Control: complete and utter. I tell him what to wear, when to get up, when to exercise, how to take care of himself, what to eat, what not to eat, and I control every aspect of our sexual relationship (when, if, how, how long, where and most importantly, when and if he get to release.)

The day I collared him, I took Ownership of him. I would hope that by now you all realize that My tomio is EXTREMELY intelligent and very well-educated. I would have him no other way, and he is not submissive to the world. He is submissive to ME. If you cross him in public, do not expect him to back down. I love that about him. However, I own him. He loves that he is owned and he finds great comfort in My Love and My Ownership.

Do I spank him? Yes, if he needs it, and sometimes just cuz I want to. I flog him with a gorgeous red suede flogger, that makes a lot of noise, but does not have much bite. I bite him, because he makes the most delicious noises when I do... (shudders with pleasure)- We play with hot wax, ice and a riding crop. By saying We...I mean I use these things on him.

Do I tie him up? Yes. I tie his wrists with black silky fabric. If he wanted to get loose, he could, because it stretches. We have recently started with the bondage tape...because I was at the adult toy store, it was purple, and I had a coupon! LMAO totally true, I swear. Tying him is fun, adds an extra level of control and We both enjoy it. I tried the handcuffs on him, but they HURT, so I took them off. THAT is the difference. I do not hurt him other than in small very controlled ways.

If this is sounding a lot like the BDSM that you know... hold on to your hat. LOL

Do I dress in leather? UM...NO. Leather is not comfortable to Me. I wear a tank top and yoga pants, or just panties. I do own a GORGEOUS pair of black leather boots. They are sexy as hell...and hurt like it too! LOL Seriously, they hurt if I wear them for more than an hour or so. I hate to be uncomfortable.

Is everything black and leathery? HAHAHA nope! I am far too sensual for that! ALL of My toys are PRETTY... flogger, crop, strap on, bondage tape, vibes everything is PRETTY! Some are sparkly, some are soft, some are purple or pink...everything is PRETTY. Its just Me. I like pretty.

Do I degrade him? Nope, never. I love and value him too much to make him feel like anything less than My treasure. He is worthy, wise and wonderful.

Do I make him bleed? NOOO! Ok there was one time, but I had removed a skin tag that was driving Me nuts on his beautiful face, and I removed it GENTLY and with love. It's not that same! lol

When I spank or bind him, am I brutal? NEVER! I do not spank him for extended periods of time, do not bind him into painful positions and leave him there, and I do not tend to mark his lovely flesh. Ok sometimes the bites leave marks...but again that is because of the LOVELY noises he makes-- clearly not My fault! ROFLMAO

Do I slap him across the face? Never.
Trample him? Nope
Kick or punch? nu-uh
pull his hair? Um... he shaves his head so that is a trick question...hehe

And most importantly...I LOVE, ADORE and TREASURE HIM. I stroke his skin, kiss him gently, rub his bald head. We laugh, A LOT, he makes up silly song. We kiss, cuddle, snuggle, he paints My toenails. It is a LOVING relationship. Oh and We go SHOE SHOPPING (the crowd goes wild) hehehe

It is not the type of relationship everyone in the kink community wants. I had a long distance pet, who decided after he was here and we had a real session together, that I was not HARD enough for him. (also note, he did not get the loving, kissing, snuggling part...We did not have that sort of relationship.) But this was a man who craved brutality...his former Mistress stapled his scrotum to a board. (WINCES) Yeah that is NEVER gonna happen with ME.

Its not for everyone... but We are finding that We are not alone. And We love that!


  1. "First, lets talk about what it IS. It is Control: complete and utter. I tell him what to wear, when to get up, when to exercise, how to take care of himself, what to eat, what not to eat, and I control every aspect of our sexual relationship (when, if, how, how long, where and most importantly, when and if he get to release.)"

    This is what I'm looking for.

    Would love it if you two would write a bit about how you found each other, evaluated each other, and worked out actually relating as two people in this beautiful dynamic.

  2. i agree with Twoo Domina... it'd be great to know such things rather than any 'physical issues'...'mental plane' is more complicated and interesting. Though i agree that the physical, at such times, really calms down the mental... Great read.

  3. You have pretty much just described my relationship with my boyfriend/Dom. If he didn't love me and I didn't love him then our relationship would probably be very different, he would probably be a bit more sadistic. He loves me too much to ever hurt me physically, sure he spanks, flogs, whips and bites but I love that and I love submitting to him. I laugh when other Doms/Dommes and subs say we are "not a real D/s couple" I think a lot of the time it comes down to jealousy on their part. I feel safer than I ever have and I know I can trust him 100% I would never say no to anything he wanted as I know me being safe and loved is his no1 priority. Thank you for posting this. xx

  4. Thank you.

    I experienced this type of Domination once, on accident, just before he moved across the country. I have been wanting ever since. I'm not sure how to go about findng someone; at lease not someone with experience who also lives anywhere near me. But you have given me hope. I know that it wasn't a fluke. It exists, it has a name, and it is as beautiful as I remember it to be.

    So thank you.


  5. I love this. I am a Polyamorous female that has always been fascinated with the lifestyle. I've been repeatedly told through the years that I am truly a Dom...unrealized! I am sensual and sexy and I need everything to be beautiful. Men fall at my feet and wish to please me, but I never considered this a form of domination. Until my recent pet told me that that is what he pet! Do you believe that there is a niche professionally for Sensual Dommes? This is what I want!

  6. i have wondered through time and this world, often asking myself who am i, what am i.. i considered my self always sensual yet dominant.. but could never and did never put the 2 together, untill that is i met a woman, a gorgous lil one, who told me simply are dominant a sensual one.. and at that moment i realised... i am... and im ok with it, reading this was an insight as well and i like what i read...

  7. I am fairly new to the lifestyle, but I've always been a strong woman. I have an extremely large capacity for love and openness. Therefore, against all traditional wisdom, I tell my slaves that I love them! I am not sadistic and if I need to disclipline my pets, I do so for their benefit. I am a sensual Domme.

  8. I have always been intrigued about BDSM, and after extensive research, Sensual Dominance would be the only one that I would be willing to find out more about if I ever thought to go into this world. Thanks for writing this it made for fancinating and excellent reading

  9. Maybe its me but this bdsm sounds like and acts like a marriage... a true marriage to say the least... correct me if I'm wrong?

  10. Thats the kind of Domme i want to be. I know i want a male submissive, bt i dont have it in me to be cruel unless that was the game we were playing. I want to treasure and apriciate my submissive as a man as well as a sub, and i want him to be a man in his won right with his own personality, one i can respect and admire. You put it into the perfect words, he isnt a submissive to the world, he is a submissive to just me. Im so glad i can see that you dont have to be hard and cruel to be a good domme.

  11. Hello FTLOD,
    I'm glad that I stumbled across your blog and this perfectly describes me. I realize that I'm not alone and reading the comments in this thread gives me some confidence. It would be really helpful if you gave me some insight/advice on what I should do. Here is my story.

    I met this guy on a dating website and we kind of connected. I've always been attracted to danger but have been too much of a chicken to do things myself. So basically, I like bad boys and he is kind of a closet bad boy -- which I adore. So after talking for a couple of days, I revealed to him that I am a domme, but a sensual domme - not the harsh kind people watch as Bondage porn and he responded saying that he had never actually met a domme and that he was interested in taking things to the next level with me. By next level, I mean couple of dates first and then exploring each other. I pretty much enjoy doing the same things you described with one exception , I am new to this. I like being in control - in all aspects of my life so when it comes to sex, its not a surprise. The thing that is bothering me right now is, after all that heated sext and talking we did for a couple of days, I rarely hear from him. We exchanged numbers and everything and I'm now wondering if this guy just went along with my story just for the fun of it because I said I was a domme or if he really meant all that he shared. From the looks of it, he seemed to know the kink world pretty well and now I'm confused and don't really know what to do. Do you think I should talk to him or give him an ultimatum? I don/t want to come across needy or clingy. Please help!

  12. I've used a sensuous dominance approach for over 30 years with 6 female submissives in LTRs. More sensuality and very measured pain works especially well when living together. Denial of affection & isolation are pretty strong on a mature woman.